Teknophage: Demon's Reign 15B

(Act 2)

At the Phage's quarters, Whizgumz looked seriously at Porrige.

Whizgumz: What do you think, Porrige? I reckon the old man's daft to risk 'imself in an unprotected trance.

Porrige: Oh, I shouldn't worry. The Bootmen'll be 'round him thicker'n flies on dogshit. Still, he's-

Just then, the elevator was heard dinging before the two turned, noticing both Messalina and Madeline arriving.

Porrige: (shocked) Eh? (points) Oy! You! How did you get past the Bootmen?

Messalina: They're programmed to obey aristos.

Porrige: But from what I heard from the master, one of you has been downgraded!

Madeline: (frowns) They obeyed me, idiot.

Porrige: Oh, that's different.

Messalina: Now one side, flunkey!

Madeline: And by the way...

The two kicked him in the crotch, making him scream in pain before he fell down while the worried Whizgumz covered his crotch in fear.

Madeline: (snaps) That's for deserting me when I needed you two!!

The two headed to the Phage's quarters. Inside, the Phage in robe with cravat read the papers while frowning a bit.

Phage: Is that cartoon of me SUPPOSE to be funny? (frowns) He's going to the vats once this entire "Shadowdeath" affair that kid calls him is over.

He then noticed the two arriving.

Messalina: I crave an audience, my lord.

Phage: (dryly) How dreary. Go away.

Messalina: But-

Phage: Really, Messalina. Don't bother throwing yourself on my mercy. I don't have one.

He took his tea cup, drinking it a bit.

Madeline: She's here because I WANT to come. I want an explanation.

Phage: An explanation? For what? (realizes) Oh wait. Mind Read!

He touched her head, both glowing a bit before realizing.

Phage: Oh, THAT explanation.

Messalina: But your luminosity, I'm a born patrician. You can't expect my children and I to starve in-

Phage: (shouts) Are you deaf, woman? (snaps) Your cushy existence is over! You're finished! Go join that gormless husband of yours in well-deserved obscurity!

Messalina: You know I can't stand him!

Phage: So what's your point?

Messalina: But my father-

Phage: (glances) Your father? Let me tell you about your father...MIND LINK!!

He touched the two's shoulders before they saw the vision of a baron fighting.

Phage: Baron Ironclad, Defender of Kalighoul, hero of the Retro Wars, Crusher of the Cobblers' rebellion...a noble soldier of my cause.

He removed their shoulders, causing everything to be normal once more.

Messalina: He...he served you well. He gave his life-

Phage: (ponts to her) Silence, slattern! He didn't give, I TOOK! Ironclad became too big for his britches! Too famous! Too popular! In short, a threat to my position! I had him put down! One of the late Grandmaster Vallus' more creative assassinations.

She looked stunned at what she heard while Madeline looked a bit horrified while he continued.

Phage: The battlefield kitchen staff were hacked to pieces for poisoning the baron. In actuality, Vallus hid all night beneath the surface of the officers' 'cesspit, withonly a breathing straw for air. In the morning, he applied a toxic suppository while your father..."meditated". Genius. Pure Genius.

He came near the woman as he continued.

Phage: So you see, your ancestry carries no weight here. Now get out of my sight!

Madeline, however, came between the two.

Madeline: Her legacy may have failed, but you never explained why you left me to die in the vats without EVEN so much as to help me take the man trying to escape from the vats!

She sat down on the chair as she continued.

Madeline: (glares) And I'm not leaving until I get my answer.

Phage: 42!

Madeline: (confused) What?

Phage: Well, you wanted an answer, so you got it! It's the question that's the problem to look for.

Madeline: (sighs) Okay, let me put it another way: WHY did you abandon my hour in need?

Phage: Simple: you of all people were becoming jealous of her.

Messalina: Who?

Madeline: (realizes) It's Ayami...isn't it?

Phage: You ALWAYS wanted to be co-partner and yet, when you saw an outsider like her...you became jealous. So during the time when she was still alive, I had to take precautions and ordered my men to NOT help you in any need in case you did something idiotic.

Madeline: Yes, for being top of the game, NOT as a love interest!

Phage: Good because the love interest part would've been awkward!

Madeline: What? You got a love interest?

Phage: (quickly) That has nothing to do with our conversion!

Messalina: Let me handle this, Madeline. (to the Phage) Don't be so hasty, my soverign. (unbuckles her belt) I DO have something to offer.

As she began stripping the cloak covering her body, Madeline realized as she groaned.

Madeline: Oh no! Not that, please! Anything but that!

Phage: What is she-?

She came to the reptile with her back shown.

Messalina: (grins) Am I not beautiful? I'm skilled in ALL the erotic arts. Every one. I majored in orgasmic massage and was voted "Kalighoul Love Goddess" 3 years running.

Madeline: (quietly) Lucky.

Messalina: It's lonely at the top. Lonely ever since HER demise...

His cravat was removed before his robe was being opened.

Messalina: Let me be your concubine. I can ease your tensions. Relieve your needs. Warm your cold reptile blood...I can-

Madeline: (shakes her head) Oh crud! Don't do the ugly thing!

Messalina: Don't interrupt. (to the Phage) As I said, I can be MORE better than that whore of yours.

Phage: (narrows) Grrrr.

Messalina: She will NEVER know what pleasure I can give you. ESPECIALLY since she herself is too immature to understand.

Phage: (glares) GRRRRR!!

Messalina: Not to mention she's just a stupid slut with an idiotic brat toy after all.

Phage: (raises his arm) You...(furiously) VACOUS LITTLE TART!!

In furious anger, the serpent angrily slapped her down, causing her to collide with some items before she fell to the ground.

Madeline: Told ya.

Phage: LISTEN UP! NO ONE...AND I MEAN NO ONE TRIES TO TAKE MY HEART AWAY! I ALREADY GAVE IT TO ANOTHER AND NO ONE WILL EVER HAVE IT!

Messalina: (groans) You little-

Phage: First of all, HOW could you possibly think that I could find one of your species attractive?! I perceive you as an ugly, hairless ape, fit only for the abbatoir!! Secondly...

He grabbed her in anger.

Phage: if you're still here in 5 seconds, I'll have you thrown off the roof! ESPECIALLY when you insult Ayami and her memories like that!!

Madeline: In my offense, Phage...

Phage: If you value your life, Madeline, don't interrupt me again!

Madeline: (meekish) Sorry...

The angered woman on the ground looked angrily at him.

Messalina: (wipes her lips) Enough, you callous bastard! I refuse any loss of privilege! My children WON'T be degraded! Listen to me! Restore my position and I'll do anything you want. Absolutely ANYTHING!!

Madeline: (raises her brows) Anything?

Messalina: (glares) Except that.

Madeline: Thank you!

Messalina: I'll spy, inform, cheat, steal, blackmail and extort for you! I'll victimize, persecute, hunt, interrogate, terrorize and torture for you! For you, I'll use thumbscrews, garrotes, scalpels, pliers, wires, rusty saw blades, electricity, gas, and acid! I'll beat, thrash, crush, choke, smash, burn, cripple, maim, and murder!

He looked seriously while she continued.

Messalina: It doesn't matter how vile, sick, malicious, dirty, depraved or disgusting it is. Whatever your ugly, perverted, twisted mind can conceive! Just tell me what it is...and I'll DO IT!!

She panted a bit while the two, with reptile having fists on his hips, looked at her.

Phage: My dear Messalina. (smirks) You've touched my heart.

Madeline: (to herself) I better hope that is a good thing for Messalina, not a bad one.

Phage: And Madeline, I KNOW you weren't insulting Ayami, just jealous of her position.

Madeline: I know.

Phage: (to Messalina) You've reaffirmed my faith in human nature. Arise, Lady Messalina. I accept your kind offer. Your estate is restored.

He reached out to her, lifting Messalina up.

Madeline: And me, sir?

Phage: (smirks) And I've just the jobs for you both.

He wiped the blood on Messalina's face a bit.

Phage: Messalina, the Execution of the Insurrectionists is in 2 hours' time. Since your husband's career move, I'm rather short of a presenter. Exceptional cruely is demanded. What do you suggest?

Messalina: (smirks) Oh, let's see. Just off the top of my head...let's go for Spectacle. Have the rebels' entire families ripped to pieces before their very eyes by some of your genetic monstrosities!

Phage: (grins) First rate! (to Madeline) Now for you...hmmm...this IS going to be difficult to put you in.

Madeline: (hopefully) Maybe since you lack a co-partner at the moment, may I try to take that position?

Phage: Interesting. How are you at the task?

Madeline: Quick with my wits...

She looked at one of the weapons on the ground, snatching it up and pointing it toward where Whizgumz was.

Madeline: And slick with a gun. (pretends to shoot) Pow. Gotcha.

Phage: Perfect.

Messalina: I can imagine you saying 'excellent'.

Phage: Hmmm....hmmm...let me try it.

Phage puts his claws together, speaking in a Mr. Burns-like tone of voice.

Phage: Excellent. (smirks) Hey, that sounds good. I like it! Thanks for the idea, Messalina. I shall use it in the future!

The two bowed before the reptile lifted their heads up.

Phage: (to Messalina) But mark me well, Messalina. (points) If you should EVER fail me, you'll suffer a fate much worse. And not ONLY yourself.

Madeline: (confused) What? Who else would you send to that with her?

Phage: Just this question: (to Messalina) How are your delightful children? You're genuinely fond of those little monkeys, aren't you?

Messalina: (gasps) You-you wouldn't!

Phage: Oh I would...and trust me, I'm hungry...and you wouldn't like me when I'm hungry.

Madeline: Holy cow!!

Phage: By the way, do you know, my dears, that my name literally means..."Child Eater" in Kalighoul?

Both: Yipes!

Phage: One of my more CHARMING idiosyncracies. But let's not dwell on failure. You've lots to do and I expect a grand show. (pushing Messalina) To work, to work, with a song in your heart.

Messalina: (frowns) I suppose you want us to whistle while we work?

Phage: Please! That's for fairy tale princesses!

She was out of the room while Madeline gulped a bit.

Phage: As for you, Madeline, I MAY need you for a little surprise attack for two human children...just make SURE they're alive so I can take care of their deaths myself.

Madeline: (looks down a bit) Yes, sir.

Outside the office, a bootman with two familiar figures being choked were held toward Whizgumz.

Bootman: Beg pardon, sir. The spy cameras picked up tehse two Death Arena Escapees, wormin' their way Off-Building. Request instructions.

Whizgumz: Oh, throw 'em in a vat. (realizes) No wait. Put them with the rebels awaiting execution. The more the merrier, eh?

Bootman: And if they resist?

Whizgumz: That's why you got guns!

Inside the familiar manor area, two familiar children came up to Messalina, hugging her while the woman, shedding tears through her makeup, looked worried. Inside the office, the Phage looked seriously to the butler and female nearby.

Phage: Stage 2 in effect?

Porrige: Certainly is, sir. We're completely sealed in by unassailable barrier of Bootmen and Assassins.

Phage: (smirks) At last, he's within my grasp. Now leave. I enter trance-state.

Madeline: Shall I leave, too?

Phage: No. You remain in case those children show up.

He removed and dropped his robe to the ground.

Madeline: Fine. (frowns) As long as I turn away from your naked body.

Phage: Oh come on!

He sighed as she turned from him.

Phage: (sighs) I'll NEVER understand humans.

He went to an area, then lied on his back on the floor, closing his eyes.

Phage: (inner thoughts) Regulate breathing. Slow heartbeat. Shut down frontal awareness. Abandon the physical plane.

In the darkness, a vision of the Phage building was shown.

Phage's Voice: Ascend the shining levels of consciousness. Commence search. Scan building. (pauses) Nothing. Lower psychic shields. Drop automatic defenses.

The areas of the building were shown in his vision as he continued.

Phage's Voice: Devote full power to maximizing energy field. Sweep all levels. (pauses) Nothing.

Just then, a vision of something glowing was shown.

Phage's Voice: Hold! I sense him! Focus down. Focus down. Focus down. Pinpoint.

Finally, it showed the vision of the man arriving to the office through the top of the building with him dangling down the rope.

Phage's Voice: Got him! He's...here?! He's here, right in my office! Descending a rope from an open ceiling panel above me! And those brats are here too!! (grunting) Must snap...out of trance...right...NOW!!

After a moment, the Phage opened his eyes, then yelped as he saw Shadowdeath pointing his gun toward the serpent.

Shadowdeath: Time's up, tyrant! In the name of humanity, DIE!!

Phage: (panics) STOP! Pull that trigger and thousands will perish!

Shadowdeath: Don't lie. You're dead.

Tyler: (frowns) Besides, you're the worst god in this universe ever.

Phage: No, not really. That would be Jim Carrey.

Ariel: At least HE is funny unlike you.

Phage: Th-

He yelped with the gun pointed to his bottom jaw just as Madeline came, gasping at what she saw.

Phage: (gulps) There's a device, a psionic bomb, installed on one of the lower levels. If anything happens to me, if the telepathic link is severed, it detonates. H-Here, let me show you!

Three: Do it!

He snapped his fingers, making the big TV pop up from the floor.

Phage: And now, I will show you.

Phage snaps his fingers and...an episode of Beavis and Butthead is shown.

Beavis: Hey Butthead! Check this out! This chick got three boobs!

The two laughs stupidly much to the confusion of the good guys.

Butthead: Uh, how many butts does she has?

Tyler: Holy cow! That's a big ass TV over there!

Phage: Dammit, wrong channel! I told them NOT to include Earth shows that can corrupt the mind.

He snapped his fingers, showing a blueprint scan of the building.

Phage: Observe that red glow in engineering. Let's zoom in.

The screen turned, showing a canister with the familiar symbol on it.

Phage: There it is, on permanent alert. It's designed to release a psychic shockwave that destroys human brain tissue for a radius of 1 mile. Stalemate, I think, Mr. Holmes.

Shadowdeath: (confused) What?

Phage: (sits up) Oh yes, I know who you are. Elementary deduction given the nature of your disappearance and your apparent powers.

Shadowdeath: But how-?

Phage: (stands up) Oh you're not the FIRST, by any means.

Shadowdeath: Okay, who was the first?

Phage: That is none of your damn business!

He motioned them to follow him.

Phage: Come with me, my boys and girls. I want to SHOW you something.

Ariel: Okay, fine. but can you PLEASE put on a robe?! You being nude 24/7 is creeping me and this girl out!

Phage: (groans) Not you too!!

Tyler: Geez, come on. Do that with your l...

Ariel: (quickly) Don't go there. He gets touchy on that 'L-O-V-E-R' subject.

Phage: (snatches his robe) You have no idea.

He placed it on before they followed him with Shadowdeath pointing his gun to the Phage and Madeline seemingly pointing to the three with the gun she held.

Phage: I was expecting you three. Why ELSE let those blabbermouths Porrige and Whizgumz loose with valuable information? You three are from Earth, are you not?

Ariel: Yes, pretty much.

Tyler: Right. Where else would we come from? Planet Alderran?

Madeline: Where?

Phage: Just like Madeline's mother, I take it. She looks so much like her mother, I bet, that is, if her mother didn't die giving birth to her.

Madeline: How did-?

Phage: Then you must have heard of Saint George.

Tyler: Yes...but uh...mind if you talk about it? Because I have NO idea about his history.

Phage: (frowns) In the words of someone from Earth, "you suck".

He looked seriously as he touched the four's hands.

Phage: MIND LINK!!

The five glowed as they saw the vision of a man with long mustache fighting the Phage.

Phage: He was like you, a hero, empowered by those irritating interfering souls: sent forth to "slay" me. Needless to say, the popular version of the story is false.

It then showed George snatching a weary peasant.

Phage: In actuality, he accepted my offer of a job. He became my Chief Enforcer.

He removed himself with the humans looking stunned.

Tyler: (frowns) Okay, I may not know my history of St. George, but...I can't believe you would (snaps) ABSOLULTELY GIVE US THIS ****ING BULL!!

Shadowdeath: The stinkin' collaborator!

Phage: (frowns) I don't see what heffers got to do with this.

He opened the door before he continued.

Phage: He led a full and happy life. Join me and so can you. (points) Here, come and say hello to your predecessors who declined my gracious offer. AND of course, the proof you need...Tyler was it?

They gasped, looking at many stuffed figures of people with sewn eyes, mouths, and noses with the females gasping a bit, looking a bit terrified.

Shadowdeath: Holy mother-

Phage: A tribute to the Taxidermist's art, don't you think?

Tyler: Geez! And I thought Bloodlust was bad! You made it worst, Phage!

Ariel: How awful!

Phage: Naturally, I had them skinned alive. The living body and soul of a hero is my favorite delicacy, but you know, my friends...

He smirked, whacking the gun off of Shadowdeath's hands.

Shadowdeath: Huh?

Phage: I'm a reasonable fellow, when all's said and done. How about follow George's example? The job's yours. After all, I DID visit Earth once about 150 years ago...strange, though...I can't exactly recall what I've done there before I found myself returned to Kalighoul.

Tyler: Did you screw with the ladies?

Phage: Yes, I scr...(realizes) NOW CUT THAT OUT!

Tyler: He-he-he-he.

Phage: Now what do you say? How about it? Ariel? Orlando? Tyler?

Ariel: (frowns) Why would we join a horrifying monster like you?

Tyler: I gotta agree. Bloodlust is one thing but stuffing them up? Ugh.

Shadowdeath: How about sticking it right up your-

Phage: (smirks) Well said, lads. Well said. The very answer that I'd HOPED for you. You really are a bunch of heroes, aren't you? Though of limited intelligence, I conceed.

Tyler: (pause) Are you calling us stupid?

Phage; Of course not.

Tyler: Do we look stupid to you?

Phage: Allow me to rephase that. I meant that you aren't as smart as I am.

Tyler: So you are calling us stupid, are you?

Madeline: (dryly) Yeah, you ARE stupid.

Tyler: That-(realizes) AGH!!

Phage; He-he-he-he. Of course, my offer of employment was completely bogus, a simple test of food quality. A little white lie, such as my fib concerning the psionic device.

Ariel: (confused) So wait, you were lying to us from the start?

Phage: Of course...about the position and bomb, of course. Heroes, that's another story.

Tyler: Liar!

As he continued, he took out a pocket watch from his robe.

Phage: In truth, I activated the psi-bomb the instant that I came out of my trance. (looks at his watch) If you wish to stop the countdown, you have just 10 minutes and 23 seconds to travel the two and a half miles down to Engineering before it turns the brains of your beloved proles to tripe. And now, (departing) I really must retire. Madeline, deal with the teenagers.

Madeline: Okay, how am I supposed to do that?

Phage: Use your imagination!

Shadowdeath: (frowns) Why you heinous-

Phage: (peeks) Now, now. Tempus fugit, Mr. Holmes.

Shadowdeath: you old scrote! (snatches his gun) Suck this!!

He fired while darting off, only hitting a stuffed former hero.

Tyler: Oh crap! He just killed Superman again!

Ariel: (frowns) Superman was never dead, Tyler.

Tyler: I know, I wanted to make drama!

Madeline pointed her gun at the two.

Phage: Just fire their heads, but don't damage them too much.

Madeline: Can't we just leave them publically humiliated or something?

Phage: (snaps) KILL THEM!!

She grunted, preparing to fire as the two winced. However, she sighed, looking down.

Madeline: I'm sorry...I...I can't...

Phage: (frowns) Can't what?

Madeline: (angrily) Do THIS!!

She fired at the Phage, to their shock. However, it only hit the stuffed former heroes, minus one particular one she looked at sadly, then sighed, glaring at the Phage.

Madeline: (seriously) One of them was my father. I saw what you TRULY did with him...and my mom...she would rather have died than to have serve you if she had known that HE was also stuffed like all others. I was wrong to have EVEN considered serving a monster like you.

Phage: Really? Really? A shame that you can hit a broad side of...what are those things on Earth that humans make food from?

Madeline angrily hit him with the gun from earlier.

Phage: AGH! That actually hurt and it's not even FROM my world.

She picked the two Earth humans up.

Madeline: Come on, we have to help him.

Both: Right.

Finally, as the three were out of the room, the Phage shouted with his hands around his mouth.

Phage: (grins darkly) Run, rabbits, run! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!! Oh and if you liked my little fable about George, there's another fanciful tale based upon my exploits that you may have heard!

A pause, then Phage frowns.

Phage: I was going to tell them the time that a cruel boy stole my wings, became king and then I cursed his little daughter to sleep upon hitting a spindle. (pause) No wait. That was another story and time.

At that moment, the bandaged butler came behind the Phage as he secretly looked back.

Phage: (quietly) Everything in rediness, Porrige?

Porrige: (quietly) Absolutely, sir. All possible routes to engineering are Assassin-lined. I believe the term "Turkey shoot" is appropriate.

Phage: (quietly) Splendid now. Stage 4: Let's season the dish to perfection.

He finally looked back, shouting. As he shouted, the four humans yelped, noticing the gigantic bootmen all gathered around them.

Phage: The Greek Myth of the Hydra? From its teath sprang forth a legion of soldiers! Absolutely tosh! Obviously, they all came off my production lines as did these chaps: The new, improved model Bootmen!

Tyler: Bullshit, jerk!!

Phage: Well I sorta had a bit of help on the Hydra part, but the Bootmen are mine. Now all you have to do is fight your way through the 100 gathered here to proceed on your noble mission. You have all of 9 minutes and 42 seconds remaining. Off you go.

The Bootmen prepared themselves as the four gulped.

(ED: Zetsubou Billy by Maximum the Hormone)

Phage's Voice: Greetings, this is the Teknophage. On the next Teknophage: Demon's Reign, the trap is set as the humans with Shadowdeath head off to stop the bomb, when in reality, it was a perfect trap to catch them and the traitorous Madeline. However, the damn fools have planned otherwise and during the Mass Exectuion, they hold me hostage, but I attempt to trick them. The only thing standing between me and victory may be what I least expected? Who would even DARE try to save the likes of Orlando Holmes aka Shadowdeath and those Earth humans? Next Teknophage: Demon's Reign: Sacrifice. Watch if you dare...