(Act 2)

Somewhere in Japan, near a factory, the ship landed on the ground before Strong Bad and the others came out. There, they saw the factory.

Tenguman: Great, we're in a Willy Wonka spoof, aren't we? Someone stop this now! I want to get off!

Bass: (annoyed) Just go with it.

Mr. Grumpy: The sooner we get over this, the better.

Bubs: Ya guys made sure to bring your legalized fake IDs, right?

Jack showed his to him.

Jack: Right here.

They looked at where the banner read "Welcome Conest Winners" hung around the gate while they looked at the place.

Miss Calamity: Oh my, look at this place.

Miss Whoops: Yeah, it reminds me of the Wonka Factory in London.

Mr. Bump: You think?

Miss Chatterbox: Oh, look at that!

Argit: Heya.

Outside the gate, the guards stood while two of them played a fanfare. The gate opened as saw the place opened. On the steps of the building, two guards rolled the carpet before the end reached them. Then, out popped a human looking figure in a Willy Wonka outfit with a grin.

Man: Welcome to Mitsubishi, Japan! The name's Billy Bonkers, your golly-rific guide to the splend-tactular Cold Ones factory!

Tenguman: (angrily) Urge to kill...rising...rising...

Mr. Scatterbrain: Ha-ha-ha. We're awfully thirsty coming here. Can we have our free drinks now?

Billy: You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend, Jus Teryaki!

He moved behind and there, with the two ladies was a familiar face, dancing to the party music while his sunglasses covered his eyes.

Jus: Alright! Whimmy-wham-wham-wazzle! Lay some skin on me, dudes!

Some of them high fived as Homestar looked at him.

Mr. Messy: Shazam! The great party worm himself...not litereally speaking.

Homestar: Hey, you look pretty awesome! Also, I have to think you don't look so good. Did you get a bug in mouth disease? (gasps) What if the good times are over!?

Strong Bad: Knock it off, McDorko!

Digit: You ready to get down, get funky with us?

Billy then glanced at Jus, who cringed a bit.

Billy: He'd better be, that's what we pay him for...right, Jus?

Jus: (excited) Yeah!

Billy: In fact, Jus has to party all night, every night, or he's fired.

Jus: (tired) Rock on.

Marzipan: Oh dear. That must be really exhausting. Maybe you should drink some chai tea. That could help you with your nerves.

James: Who invited her anyway!?

Billy: But before the party, you're all in for a fun-derful treat: A VIP tour of the Cold Ones factory! But before we begin...who's the designated driver?

Coach Z: That'd be me, Mr. Persnickety, and Shadowman.

Shadowman: I don't do drinking.

Billy: Then beat it! No one likes party poopers!

Coach Z: Oh crackles! I was hoping to get drunk.

Mr. Persnickety: Ugh, I'd rather not have that.

With that, everyone else left.

Jus: Enjoy the tour guys!

He drooped down, yawning as he left.

Jus: I'm gonna go lie down.

At the entrance, the group with Billy were in a dim room as they looked around.

Billy: (grins) Welcome, my friends, to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call "Cold Ones Centralised Industrial Fabrication Unit".

Behind him, the guards opened the doors. Inside, everyone gasped as they saw what appeared to be a meadow full of Cold Ones and many decorative places.

Fidgit: Oh my.

Jessie: It's sparkle-rific.

James: It's dazzle-mazing.

Tenguman: Ugh, it's disgust-licious!

Bass: Tell me about it. Stupid Megaman's not here when I need him battling, but no, he's on a dimension tour!

Mr. Scatterbrain: Hey, look. Flowers...and a boat!

The group walked tot he river bank, looking at the boat before they stopped, noticing something. There, they saw many small creatures working hard.

Ratigan: Ugh, who are those horrible creatures working over there?

Billy: Why, those are the Lunchkin Munchkins. They work here in the Cold Ones factory.

Bubs: Tell them I hate them. They look gross!

Tenguman: Second.

Bass: Third.

Carl: (pauses) Fourth.

Later, the boat floated around while it sailed through the place.

Billy: As we sail down the river of Ones, you'll see our mix-ologists at work.

He pointed to some Lunchkin Munchkins stirring cauldrons of yellow-orange stuff.

Billy: They take 900 of the finest ingredients, add a touch of child-like delight and mix it all with glacial spring water from our glacial spring water generator.

Then, he pointed to a Lunchkin Munchkin pumping water into a bucket from two containers labelled "H2" and "O".

Billy: Then, last of all, we add the secret ingredient that makes the Ones so deliciously addictive.

A Lunchkin Munchkin tipped up a barrel labeled "Secret Ingredient" into a cauldron of ingredients but another pulled a curtain across before anyone can see anything.

Mr. Bump: So, what's the secret ingredient?

Billy: It's whatever your imagination wants it to be.

Bobcat: Oh. But what is it really?

Billy: (sternly) That's not for you to know. (normal) Now, over here the Lunchkin Munchkins are inducing Wumpus berries to release their flavour, using sensual massage.

He pointed to some Lunchkin Munchkins who rubbed piles of purple berries.

Miss Chatterbox: (whispering) Psst, those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right?

Billy: No.

Mr. Noisy: You positive?

Billy: Yes.

Digit: We're just asking cause they look kind of secret.

Billy: Enough! There will be no further questions.

Homestar waved, looking like he was raising his "arms".

Homestar: Why?

Marzipan: Hey, look!

Shego: The disgusting little men are starting to sing.

On the river bank, six Lunchkin Munchkins lined up before they danced and sang.

Lunchkin Munchkins: (singing) Lunchkin Munchkin dunkity-do,
We've got a friendly warning for you,
Lunchkin Munchkin dunkity-dasis,
The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis.

Lunchkin Munchkin 1: (singing) Asking questions in school is a great way to learn.

Lunchkin Munchkin 2: (singing) If you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke.

Lunchkin Munchkin 1: (singing) We once found a dead guy face down in the Ones.

Lunchkin Munchkin 2: (singing) It could easily happen again to you folks.

Lunchkin Munchkins: (singing) So keep you head down,
And keep your mouth shut,
Lunchkin Munchkin munchkin dunkity dot!

Billy angrily leaned over the side of the boat and waved his cane.

Billy: (shouting) Hey, I don't pay you to sing! You just used up today's bathroom break!

The boat disappeared into a tunnel.

Lunchkin Munchkin 2: (frowns) Hard ass.

Billy: (from boat) I heard that!

He whimpered and quickly ran off. In the tunnel, the group looked at the line of large barrels of types of Beer.

Bubs: Let see...Cold Ones! Very Cold Ones! Hot Ones! Warm Ones! Not So Cold Ones! Dang, they got alot of ones!

Billy: Now, on your right, you'll see the Ones Master checking the Cold Ones for colour and bouquet.

There, they saw an old man with a long, white beard holding a glass of Cold Ones. Strong Bad watched and licked his "lips" as he continued.

Strong Bad: So freakin' thirsty.

Billy: Then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more.

Strong Bad: Uh, could I have some Cold Ones, please?

Billy: No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait until you're partying with Jus Teryaki.

Strong Bad: When will that be?

Billy: Soon enough.

Strong Bad: That's not soon enough.

Then, one of the females noticed the door.

Miss Chatterbox: (pointing) Hey, what's behind that door?

They looked at the "Keep Out" door guarded by the guards.

Billy: Nothing.

Jessie: Is it the secret ingredient?

The five Lunchkin Munchkins danced across in front of the door.

Lunchkin Munchkins: (singing) Lunchkin Munchkin dunkity dingredient,
You should not ask about the secret ingredient.

Ratigan: OK, OK, we get the point.

Shego: She was just curious because of the dumb armed guards.

Lunchkin Munchkins: (singing) Lunchkin Munchkin dunkity darmed guards--

Bass: (anger mark) Shut the hell up!

Tenguman: (glares) One more out of you freaks and I swear I will kill you all!

Later, the boat continued while Strong Bad being "held" by Homestar was at the back of the boat while Billy and Bubs were talking to one another.

Bubs: So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff, which I don't got, and hire Lunchkin Munchkins at half the cost?

Billy: That's right. They think they have a good union but they don't. (whispering) They're basically slaves.

Bubs: That's outrageous...and yet it works, so well!

Strong Bad and Homestar kept trying to reach, but it was no use. Some of the group noticed what they were doing.

Shego: Ugh, what are you doing?

Strong Bad: I'm dying of thirst. And Homestar's not helping any. Now quickly grab my feet and dunk my head in so I can drink.

Marzipan: No. That's moronic.

Strong Bad: Fine. I'll let Homestar go and let myself swim around in the Cold Ones and drink as much as I want. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Homestar: Okay, here you go.

Just then, the masked man screamed as he was in the water. The masked man came splashing up as he panicked.

Strong Bad: Help! I can't swim! Can't swim!

Tenguman: Ugh, out of all the idiots we have...

He disappeared under the water before Bass, Homestar, Treble, and Tenguman quickly swam to where he was before they dove down. Underwater, they swam toward them before pulling him by the mask. Then, the five gasped for air.

Homestar: That was close, boys.

Then, up came Shego who looked annoyed, Jack, Puppetmon, Marzipan, Mr. Bump, Miss Whoops, Rika, Fidgit, Renamon, and Snakeman, who was whistling.

Bass: Guys, why did you jump in?

Miss Whoops: It was an accident.

Snakeman: I saw everybody doing it. I just wanted to be popular and not part of the "out crowd".

Tenguman: Snakeman, you idiot.

Just then, a whirlpool appeared as they were all sucked underwater before screaming.

Mr. Bump: POOPITY POOOOOOOP!!

The group was pulled through the hole in the bottom of the river. Then, they came flying out a pipe and landing on a grate. There, they looked around.

Renamon: Is everyone okay?

Snakeman: Ow...not really.

Miss Whoops: Where are we?

Tenguman: And why is the beer pouring into this sewer?

The masked man wringed part of himself, making the liquid pour into his mouth. Then, he spit out the contents in disgust.

Strong Bad: This isn't Cold Ones at all! It's not even that disgusting Warm Ones!

Homestar: Tell me about it. Those things taste like what you do after you drink too many glasses of melonade.

Marzipan: (disgusted) Ewww.

Fidgit: Something's rotten on Mitsubishi. Look at this.

He pointed to two doors reading "Real Factory" and "Fake Factory".

Mr. Bump: I wonder...

They opened the "Fake Factory" door, peeking before noticing the same factory, where the same door was shown. To their shock, they noticed the guards and Lunchkin Munchkins chattering while smoking and playing poker before the door closed.

Shego: This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient.

Mr. Bump: My God. What if the secret ingredient...is people?!

Miss Whoops: No. There's already a soda like that in the year 3000: Soylent Cola.

Mr. Bump: Ugh, I really hated that Soylent Green movie. It was too much for me and it made me sick to my stomach.

Fidgit: Yeah, I didn't think I'd like it either. I mean, that's cannibalism, guys. Even I know that's too much.

Tenguman: Ugh, this just keeps getting more and more stupid.

Bass: Tell me about it.

Strong Bad: So how is it? The Soylent Cola?

Miss Whoops: I took a sip on the one from Fry's futuristic timeline and let me tell you: It varies from person to person.

Mr. Bump: Ick! Gross!

In the gift shop, the others were looking at the merchandise while looking at the products.

Mr. Grumpy: Great, this stuff's probably worth nothing.

Then, Mojo came to Billy Bonkers as she grinned, holding a shirt.

Mojo Jojo: Do you have any that aren't so tight around my head for when I need to put it on myself?

Billy: Yes, over in-(notices) Say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour?

Digit: Hey, yeah. Mr. Bump, Miss Whoops, Snakeman, Strong Bad, Marzipan, Homestar, Tenguman, Bass, Treble, Fidgit, Rika, Renamon, Shego, Jack, and Puppetmon are missing. Eh, probably Miss Whoops' fault. She is a klutz after all.

Billy narrowed his eyes as he frowned, breaking the glass and making the liquid fall on the floor.

Billy: If you'll excuse me.

He then left as Miss Calamity, holding a tray full of glasses, slipped and fell.

Miss Calamity: AHHH!

The glasses broke as she groaned.

Ratigan: You know you're still paying for that, right?

Back with Jack's group, they walked through the dark creepy tunnel with Jack using a flashlight. Then, Snakeman gasped, noticing something.

Rika: (whispering) Quick.

They ducked behind a rock, looking at the guards passing by with torches and weapons on their hands. When it cleared, they sighed a little. Just then, Homestar gasped, noticing something.

Homestar: Look!

Strong Bad gasped, noticing the conveyor belt with cans of Cold Ones on it.

Strong Bad: Cold Ones! Finally!

Strong Bad grabbed one, drinking it all the way while Homestar grabbed his, drinking his.

Strong Bad: Oh, yeah! I'm never going 12 minutes without a Cold One again.

Marzipan: that would make you drunk.

Strong Bad: No it wouldn't.

Renamon: It's the end of the line. This must be where they put in the secret ingredient.

There, they saw the door marked "Cold Ones Production Chamber".

Homestar: Well, whatever it is, it's even better fresh.

He took another sip of his drink.

Homestar: Mmm, still warm. Dunno why.

Then, the door opened up. Just then, the group gasped, noticing a female insect-like creature in the middle of the room, being given Wumpas berries while a few creatures that were human, yet insect-like before the rear squeezed some liquid, being poured into cans.

All: Ew!

Females: Blech!

Snakeman: Oh, Lordy!

Strong Bad: I can't believe I drank out of that!

Homestar began taking a bit more of the Cold Ones can he had.

Marzipan: (frowns) Homestar!

He spit out the contents on Mr. Bump.

Mr. Bump: Ick!

Homestar: Sorry.

After a moment, he sipped once more.

Jack: (annoyed) Homestar!

He spit them out on Mr. Bump again.

Mr. Bump: Bleck, now I know why I don't drink Cold Ones like this.

(End of Act 2)