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Literature Text
Chapter 1: (Meowth Dilly)
In the city streets, the familiar Pokmeon was showing items to the passing crowd.
Meowth: Here you are, folks. Step right up. Step right up. (taps the case) My company has authorized me to offer, at slashed prices this complete line of laugh provokers.
He wore the flower squirter, squirting a bit of water.
Meowth: The little gem flower squirter. Now, don't crowd. Don't crowd.
He snatched the items, looking at no one gathering.
Meowth: (confused) Well, isn't anybody gonna crowd? (worried) Anybody?
He then showed a book to a customer passing by.
Meowth: How about a Joe Miller joke book? (looks down) Laughs galore.
He showed a tickling backscratcher a bit.
Meowth: Ajax rib-tickler, ma'am. Amuse your boyfriend. (notices her leaving) It's used like a...It's nice.
He then showed a badge to a man passing by.
Meowth: (smirks) Special price on Chicken Inspector badge, sir.
He groaned, noticing him leaving.
Meowth: It's only 13 cents.
He then pulled out a hand buzzer.
Meowth: Amuse your friends with a 200-volt electric hand buzzer.
He accidentally hit his hand, electricfying himself a bit before removing himself, wobbing his hands a bit.
Meowth: Ow. It's shocking.
Male: (passing by/glares) Dude, no one cares about salesmen. Try ebay, stupid!
Meowth: (snaps) Well same to you pal!
He then noticed the TV near the shop he was at starting up.
Voice: We interrupt this program for the latest news on the health of tycoon and financier, Flintheart Glomgold.
On the news, the man named Dan Anchorman looked seriously while the picture of an old duck with a beard named Glomgold was seen.
Dan Anchorman: Special bulletin. Flintheart Glomgold, the multimillionaire, is in a critical condition. The ailing buzz-saw baron, who has not laughed in 50 years has been quoted saying he'd give a million dollars for one good laugh before he passes on.
Meowth, grinning with dollar signs on his eyes, chuckled greedily.
Meowth: He-he-he-he-he. Suffering succotash, what am I waiting for? I'll make that old sad sack bust a seam laughing.
Swiftly, Meowth darted off, leaving the area. At a huge manor of a sort, the Pokemon arrived, stopping near the gate where the trash can with the words, "Throw Dirty Money Here" was located at.
Meowth: Hmm. Imposing-looking pile.
He walked up the stairs, approaching the door before ringing it. To his notice, the door opened as the butler named Edgar glanced at him.
Edgar: Yes?
Meowth: (tries passing him) Your troubles are over, Jeeves. Lead me to your stricken master.
However, he did not move from his spot.
Edgar: (glares) Be gone.
Meowth: Can't go in, huh?
Edgar: Uh no.
Meowth: (shrugs) Oh, well, no hard feelings. Shake.
He held out his hand buzzer paw before the butler shook the paw unknowingly to him, then yelped and screamed from the pain. Just then, Edgar was squirted by the flower before Meowth showed a box.
Meowth: Cigarette?
It was opened, hitting the man's face before Meowth used the tickler on him, causing Edgar to laugh hysterically.
Edgar: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, you can see him. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You can see him.
He pulled Meowth inside.
Edgar: Ha-ha-ha-ha...Right this way. Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Finally, Meowth stopped tickling him before following Edgar up the stairs.
Meowth: And that's just a sample. Just a sample, Ruggles, of what I can do for your master.
They came to where the door was with the butler opening it.
Edgar: Through here, sir.
The Pokemon tossed a coin to him.
Meowth: Thank you, bub.
Finally, he walked through the door, then yelped, falling down into the fountain water. After a moment, the Pokemon spitted some water as he groaned.
Meowth: Well, duuuuuh! Somehow I knew he would do that.
He coughed out a fish, glaring at it a bit before looking up.
Meowth: (looks up) Watch that first step, Meadows. It's a dilly.
Edgar only scoffed, closing the door. Later, Meowth, with climbing rope, came to an area of the mansion as he sighed.
Meowth: Zenith Little Giant Wall-Scaler.
He quickly tossed it upward before pulling the rope a bit. After a moment, he climbed up, though he fell to the ground with a pair of teeth clinged to the hook falling with him. Meowth looked up, noticing the toothless Edgar mumbling and muttering in anger.
Edgar: (garbling) What did you do to my teeth? What...(shakes his fist) why I oughta!
Later, Meowth was on a roof, holding a rope tied to a pole before jumping off.
Meowth: (shouts) YOIKES AND AWAY!!
However, as he swung passed the butler, Edgar used the scissors on Meowth's rope, causing Meowth to fall to the ground. Later, Meowth was on a see saw, gritting his teeth with anger before tossing a heavy safe to the other side. He zoomed upward before hitting the mallet the smirking Edgar, whom was waiting, held. Later, Meowth climbed up the chimney, grunting.
Meowth: Well if a wolf can get through a chimney...why not me?
He climbed inside, not knowing that Edgar held the chimney. Finally, Meowth yelped as he fell downward, crashing to the ground once more.
Meowth: (annoyed) Okay, so the wolf's idea sucks!
Later, the doorbell was heard ringing before Edgar came to the door. He looked around before noticing only a champagne bottle wrapped in paper, taking it inside. After a few moments, he shook it, licking his lips before glancing around, seeing if anyone noticed. Quickly, Edgar darted to the kitchen. Inside, the butler undid the paper, not noticing the bottle was actually Meowth posing as a bottle. He took the cork screw, screwing the hat Meowth wore before taking it off.
Meowth: Pop!
The oblivious butler then began pouring where the cups were, not noticing Meowth acting like a cup.
Meowth: Gurgle, gurle, gurgle.
Afterward, he placed the hat back on.
Meowth: Skol.
Edgar: (lifts his cup) Skol.
However, when he tipped the glass, he finally noticed Meowth waving as he growled.
Edgar: OOOOOOH!!
He angrily bit the glass down, then snatched an axe, preparing to attack him.
Meowth: YIPES!
Quickly, he darted to the dumb waiter elevator, quickly jumping inside with Edgar chasing him. Quickly, he slammed it shut, using the rope to go to the next floor. When he lifted the cover, he saw the angered Edgar preparing to use his axe.
Meowth: (nervously) Gulp.
He jumped up with the axe hitting the closed door. Quickly, he climbed to the next floor, then opened it as he saw Edgar with a cannon, aiming at him.
Meowth: Gulp.
Quickly, he closed it as he braced himself with the cannon fired. Everything, minus the rope and Meowth, was destroyed on the floor before Meowth quickly climbed up once more. However, as he arrived to the next floor, he noticed Edgar, frowning, holding the rope Meowth climbed on.
Meowth: Whoops! (sheepishly) How are things in Glocca Mora?
Edgar: (glares) Once and for all, I'm going to-
Meowth: (snaps) Not so fast, my man Godfrey.
He hopped down, taking out a Twizzler candy with it acting like a cigarette.
Meowth: (frowns) It becomes increasingly apparent that I'm not wanted around here.
Edgar: (confused) Huh?
Meowth: Are we to assume that there is anything significant in this attitude of yours? That A, a butler might not want his master to recover his good health?
Edgar: (nervously) Well, uh...
Meowth: (glares) That B, said butler should endeavor to remove from the premises the only person capable of restoring said health to said master?
Edgar: (panics) Gah! No, no.
Meowth: (snaps) Where were you the night of April the 16th?
Edgar: Trying to abandon some ca...(yelps) I mean, that isn't any of your business!
Meowth: (crosses his arms) A likely story.
As he spoke next, Meowth began walking over the butler as he was pinned to the ground.
Meowth: I see it all now: You and the upstairs maid. "Do the old boy in," you said. "Elderberry wine and old lace," you said. Then, "The quick getaway," you said. Rio de Janeiro, tropical nights, romance, and a heavy bank account.
Edgar: (confused) But we don't...
Meowth: (pokes Edgar) Quiet, Eggie, I'm talking here, see?
Edgar: Gah!
Meowth: And to ensure that you get the cash, you'd probably would've poisoned the old geezer AND make it look like an accident.
Edgar: (gasps) NO! NO!
Meowth: Yes. Yes. (sits down) But you weren't smart enough, John, alias Johnnie. Alias Jack. Alias Jackie. (wipes his brow) WHEW! What's Humphrey Bogart got that I ain't got?
Edgar: (stuttering) But I... But you...
Meowth, smirking, finally hopped off the shivering butler, lifting him up.
Meowth: But just to show you I'm not all copper...I'm gonna give you a 10-minute head start.
He pushed Edgar to a bedroom as he began to protest.
Edgar: But I-
As he spoke next, the disguise and bags were quickly packed as they ran.
Meowth: Don't try to fight me now. Hurry, they're on your trail! (points) Run! Out this way!
They ran quickly and headed down the stairs.
Meowth: AHHHHHH!!
Finally, Edgar finally left the mansion as Meowth, looking outside, smirked.
Meowth: And stay on the straight and narrow.
Finally, after grabbing his briefcase full of items, he slammed the door shut.
Meowth: Sucker!
He finally darted upstairs.
Meowth: Now to business. Lace your corset, Flintie! Here I come!
He finally entered the bedroom, then looked inside as he noticed the bearded duck lying on his bed. Meowth looked carefully at him.
Meowth: (nods) Mm-hm. Hmm. Don't worry, gramps. (walking off) We'll have you fixed up in a jiffy.
He prepared to go to the briefcase, though yelped and slipped on a loose rug on the ground, flying high. Afterward, he crashed onto some cake, groaning a bit. Just then, Glomgold started to slowly chuckle, getting up as he began chuckling a bit more before he finally started laughing hysterically. Meowth, noticing, got up as he glanced at him, then at himself.
Meowth: What's that for, bub? I haven't even started yet. What's the matter? (frowns) You see anything green? Any flies on me?
Glomgold only continued laughing more. It then showed the papers marked "Millionaire in Miraculous Cure. Laughter saves tycoon's life." Later, the laughing Glomgold in newer night clothes filled with many pies snatched one of the pies, pelting Meowth with one of them. Meowth was pelted a bit more with another pie, then a cake before he wiped his face.
Meowth: (to the camera) Eh, it's a living.
He was pelted with another pie as the old duck laughed more and more. As Glomgold continued laughing more, Meowth was seen in a montage, being pelted by pies and cakes, rolling his eyes and trying to look patient while doing so. It then showed the clocks and calendars moving by quickly and swiftly with Glomgold's laughter heard more and more. Later, it showed some bakery vans gathered around the mansion before it cut to black before Glomgold's laughter finally died down with a choke sound and flatline only heard.
(End of Chapter 1)
In the city streets, the familiar Pokmeon was showing items to the passing crowd.
Meowth: Here you are, folks. Step right up. Step right up. (taps the case) My company has authorized me to offer, at slashed prices this complete line of laugh provokers.
He wore the flower squirter, squirting a bit of water.
Meowth: The little gem flower squirter. Now, don't crowd. Don't crowd.
He snatched the items, looking at no one gathering.
Meowth: (confused) Well, isn't anybody gonna crowd? (worried) Anybody?
He then showed a book to a customer passing by.
Meowth: How about a Joe Miller joke book? (looks down) Laughs galore.
He showed a tickling backscratcher a bit.
Meowth: Ajax rib-tickler, ma'am. Amuse your boyfriend. (notices her leaving) It's used like a...It's nice.
He then showed a badge to a man passing by.
Meowth: (smirks) Special price on Chicken Inspector badge, sir.
He groaned, noticing him leaving.
Meowth: It's only 13 cents.
He then pulled out a hand buzzer.
Meowth: Amuse your friends with a 200-volt electric hand buzzer.
He accidentally hit his hand, electricfying himself a bit before removing himself, wobbing his hands a bit.
Meowth: Ow. It's shocking.
Male: (passing by/glares) Dude, no one cares about salesmen. Try ebay, stupid!
Meowth: (snaps) Well same to you pal!
He then noticed the TV near the shop he was at starting up.
Voice: We interrupt this program for the latest news on the health of tycoon and financier, Flintheart Glomgold.
On the news, the man named Dan Anchorman looked seriously while the picture of an old duck with a beard named Glomgold was seen.
Dan Anchorman: Special bulletin. Flintheart Glomgold, the multimillionaire, is in a critical condition. The ailing buzz-saw baron, who has not laughed in 50 years has been quoted saying he'd give a million dollars for one good laugh before he passes on.
Meowth, grinning with dollar signs on his eyes, chuckled greedily.
Meowth: He-he-he-he-he. Suffering succotash, what am I waiting for? I'll make that old sad sack bust a seam laughing.
Swiftly, Meowth darted off, leaving the area. At a huge manor of a sort, the Pokemon arrived, stopping near the gate where the trash can with the words, "Throw Dirty Money Here" was located at.
Meowth: Hmm. Imposing-looking pile.
He walked up the stairs, approaching the door before ringing it. To his notice, the door opened as the butler named Edgar glanced at him.
Edgar: Yes?
Meowth: (tries passing him) Your troubles are over, Jeeves. Lead me to your stricken master.
However, he did not move from his spot.
Edgar: (glares) Be gone.
Meowth: Can't go in, huh?
Edgar: Uh no.
Meowth: (shrugs) Oh, well, no hard feelings. Shake.
He held out his hand buzzer paw before the butler shook the paw unknowingly to him, then yelped and screamed from the pain. Just then, Edgar was squirted by the flower before Meowth showed a box.
Meowth: Cigarette?
It was opened, hitting the man's face before Meowth used the tickler on him, causing Edgar to laugh hysterically.
Edgar: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, you can see him. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You can see him.
He pulled Meowth inside.
Edgar: Ha-ha-ha-ha...Right this way. Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Finally, Meowth stopped tickling him before following Edgar up the stairs.
Meowth: And that's just a sample. Just a sample, Ruggles, of what I can do for your master.
They came to where the door was with the butler opening it.
Edgar: Through here, sir.
The Pokemon tossed a coin to him.
Meowth: Thank you, bub.
Finally, he walked through the door, then yelped, falling down into the fountain water. After a moment, the Pokemon spitted some water as he groaned.
Meowth: Well, duuuuuh! Somehow I knew he would do that.
He coughed out a fish, glaring at it a bit before looking up.
Meowth: (looks up) Watch that first step, Meadows. It's a dilly.
Edgar only scoffed, closing the door. Later, Meowth, with climbing rope, came to an area of the mansion as he sighed.
Meowth: Zenith Little Giant Wall-Scaler.
He quickly tossed it upward before pulling the rope a bit. After a moment, he climbed up, though he fell to the ground with a pair of teeth clinged to the hook falling with him. Meowth looked up, noticing the toothless Edgar mumbling and muttering in anger.
Edgar: (garbling) What did you do to my teeth? What...(shakes his fist) why I oughta!
Later, Meowth was on a roof, holding a rope tied to a pole before jumping off.
Meowth: (shouts) YOIKES AND AWAY!!
However, as he swung passed the butler, Edgar used the scissors on Meowth's rope, causing Meowth to fall to the ground. Later, Meowth was on a see saw, gritting his teeth with anger before tossing a heavy safe to the other side. He zoomed upward before hitting the mallet the smirking Edgar, whom was waiting, held. Later, Meowth climbed up the chimney, grunting.
Meowth: Well if a wolf can get through a chimney...why not me?
He climbed inside, not knowing that Edgar held the chimney. Finally, Meowth yelped as he fell downward, crashing to the ground once more.
Meowth: (annoyed) Okay, so the wolf's idea sucks!
Later, the doorbell was heard ringing before Edgar came to the door. He looked around before noticing only a champagne bottle wrapped in paper, taking it inside. After a few moments, he shook it, licking his lips before glancing around, seeing if anyone noticed. Quickly, Edgar darted to the kitchen. Inside, the butler undid the paper, not noticing the bottle was actually Meowth posing as a bottle. He took the cork screw, screwing the hat Meowth wore before taking it off.
Meowth: Pop!
The oblivious butler then began pouring where the cups were, not noticing Meowth acting like a cup.
Meowth: Gurgle, gurle, gurgle.
Afterward, he placed the hat back on.
Meowth: Skol.
Edgar: (lifts his cup) Skol.
However, when he tipped the glass, he finally noticed Meowth waving as he growled.
Edgar: OOOOOOH!!
He angrily bit the glass down, then snatched an axe, preparing to attack him.
Meowth: YIPES!
Quickly, he darted to the dumb waiter elevator, quickly jumping inside with Edgar chasing him. Quickly, he slammed it shut, using the rope to go to the next floor. When he lifted the cover, he saw the angered Edgar preparing to use his axe.
Meowth: (nervously) Gulp.
He jumped up with the axe hitting the closed door. Quickly, he climbed to the next floor, then opened it as he saw Edgar with a cannon, aiming at him.
Meowth: Gulp.
Quickly, he closed it as he braced himself with the cannon fired. Everything, minus the rope and Meowth, was destroyed on the floor before Meowth quickly climbed up once more. However, as he arrived to the next floor, he noticed Edgar, frowning, holding the rope Meowth climbed on.
Meowth: Whoops! (sheepishly) How are things in Glocca Mora?
Edgar: (glares) Once and for all, I'm going to-
Meowth: (snaps) Not so fast, my man Godfrey.
He hopped down, taking out a Twizzler candy with it acting like a cigarette.
Meowth: (frowns) It becomes increasingly apparent that I'm not wanted around here.
Edgar: (confused) Huh?
Meowth: Are we to assume that there is anything significant in this attitude of yours? That A, a butler might not want his master to recover his good health?
Edgar: (nervously) Well, uh...
Meowth: (glares) That B, said butler should endeavor to remove from the premises the only person capable of restoring said health to said master?
Edgar: (panics) Gah! No, no.
Meowth: (snaps) Where were you the night of April the 16th?
Edgar: Trying to abandon some ca...(yelps) I mean, that isn't any of your business!
Meowth: (crosses his arms) A likely story.
As he spoke next, Meowth began walking over the butler as he was pinned to the ground.
Meowth: I see it all now: You and the upstairs maid. "Do the old boy in," you said. "Elderberry wine and old lace," you said. Then, "The quick getaway," you said. Rio de Janeiro, tropical nights, romance, and a heavy bank account.
Edgar: (confused) But we don't...
Meowth: (pokes Edgar) Quiet, Eggie, I'm talking here, see?
Edgar: Gah!
Meowth: And to ensure that you get the cash, you'd probably would've poisoned the old geezer AND make it look like an accident.
Edgar: (gasps) NO! NO!
Meowth: Yes. Yes. (sits down) But you weren't smart enough, John, alias Johnnie. Alias Jack. Alias Jackie. (wipes his brow) WHEW! What's Humphrey Bogart got that I ain't got?
Edgar: (stuttering) But I... But you...
Meowth, smirking, finally hopped off the shivering butler, lifting him up.
Meowth: But just to show you I'm not all copper...I'm gonna give you a 10-minute head start.
He pushed Edgar to a bedroom as he began to protest.
Edgar: But I-
As he spoke next, the disguise and bags were quickly packed as they ran.
Meowth: Don't try to fight me now. Hurry, they're on your trail! (points) Run! Out this way!
They ran quickly and headed down the stairs.
Meowth: AHHHHHH!!
Finally, Edgar finally left the mansion as Meowth, looking outside, smirked.
Meowth: And stay on the straight and narrow.
Finally, after grabbing his briefcase full of items, he slammed the door shut.
Meowth: Sucker!
He finally darted upstairs.
Meowth: Now to business. Lace your corset, Flintie! Here I come!
He finally entered the bedroom, then looked inside as he noticed the bearded duck lying on his bed. Meowth looked carefully at him.
Meowth: (nods) Mm-hm. Hmm. Don't worry, gramps. (walking off) We'll have you fixed up in a jiffy.
He prepared to go to the briefcase, though yelped and slipped on a loose rug on the ground, flying high. Afterward, he crashed onto some cake, groaning a bit. Just then, Glomgold started to slowly chuckle, getting up as he began chuckling a bit more before he finally started laughing hysterically. Meowth, noticing, got up as he glanced at him, then at himself.
Meowth: What's that for, bub? I haven't even started yet. What's the matter? (frowns) You see anything green? Any flies on me?
Glomgold only continued laughing more. It then showed the papers marked "Millionaire in Miraculous Cure. Laughter saves tycoon's life." Later, the laughing Glomgold in newer night clothes filled with many pies snatched one of the pies, pelting Meowth with one of them. Meowth was pelted a bit more with another pie, then a cake before he wiped his face.
Meowth: (to the camera) Eh, it's a living.
He was pelted with another pie as the old duck laughed more and more. As Glomgold continued laughing more, Meowth was seen in a montage, being pelted by pies and cakes, rolling his eyes and trying to look patient while doing so. It then showed the clocks and calendars moving by quickly and swiftly with Glomgold's laughter heard more and more. Later, it showed some bakery vans gathered around the mansion before it cut to black before Glomgold's laughter finally died down with a choke sound and flatline only heard.
(End of Chapter 1)
Suggested Collections
In this chapter, Meowth learns that the rich duck, Glomgold, would pay anyone to make him laugh, but first Meowth has to get by Glomgold's butler, Edgar. And afterwards, Meowth cures the old duck, though with some fatal results.
Comments1
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Poor Meowth...but Flintheart may not last long. Good work.