KNS: Tokyo's Black Friday 1

A/N: Takes place after the upcoming You're Not Elected, Patrick Star.

(OP: Carnival Babel by Takada Band)

Kouja no Senshi: The Side Stories
Between Special 3 & Christmas Specials
Tokyo's Black Friday

Inside a mall of a sort, a figure marched around as he glared at some mall cops, including some that looked familiar.

Lead Officer: The holiday season...is here, and Black Friday...is upon us. As you know, Black Friday, no matter which country, is the day shoppers go berzerk for holiday deals. Last year, 26 people died, and 461 were seriously injured.

Most: Yipes!

Sylvia: Damn! How many were killed and injured in Mr. Perfect's mall?

Lead Officer: Apparently, none.

Sylvia: (frowns) Lucky bastard.

Lead Officer: At least it isn't Black Friday's at Freddy's.

Sylvia: (annoyed) The place is closed down now!

He closed his eyes, sighing.

Lead Officer: This winter, the mall is offering 80% off to the first 100 people in the store.

Most: Whoa!

Officers: (randomly) Oh crap! That's no good! What's wrong with those head uppers?!

Sylvia: (nonchalant/overlapping) Mr. Perfect's doing 85% off for 200 people.

Lead Officer: For you new recruits, perhaps you took this job to see just what the violence was like. (glares at a chinless guard) Or perhaps you thought workin' Black Friday wouldn't be a big deal.

However, only the greedy faces smiled while acting innocently.

Sylvia: (slyly) Us? No, no. (chuckles) Oh no. I'm just trying to earn some extra holiday cash and probably a special gift for my Padriac.

Tidus: Sir, I thought you stated-(gets elbowed) Ungh!

Fidget: Shush! Don't ruin it, Ivory jerk!

Lead Officer: (ominously) Or maybe you're just too stupid to realize what you've gotten yourselves into.

He glared at the bat near them as he yelped.

Voice: That's enough!!

They turned, noticing an older man with scar glaring before turning his back from them.

Leader: Our only chance of surviving this year's sale is by sticking together! Those of you who signed up are to be...commended. (looks at them) But I warn you: do not underestimate the battle that's about to take place outside those doors!

Everyone else stayed silent a bit.

Alejandro: (quietly) Maybe we shouldn't have gotten involved.

Drakken: (quietly) And miss stealing during the rush!? No way!

The leader went to the door, looking outside with a serious look on his face.

Leader: Winter is coming.

Alejandro: And who might you be?

Leader: I got a lot of names, some has been forgotten. But you may call me...Robin Rooney.

Fidget: Ugh, and again I find guys with mixes of dead celebrity names!

Daffy: Shhh! (quietly) Just stick to the plan: wait 'til the suckers finish killing one another, THEN snatch the stuff!

Meanwhile, at the Team Spicer HQ, the door was knocked before Shego opened it, noticing Ryan and Jesse in role playing costumes.

Shego: What the crap are you doing here?

Jesse: Hello, Shego, we're calling together all the fighters of Middle Earth.

Shego: You're STILL playing those stupid Role Playings?! You've been doing that ever since we got OUT of the real deal AND Narnia too. It's annoying.

Ryan: Look, we just need to speak to Jack of Uldragoth and the others if they're there.

Shego: Fine. (shouts) Jack, your asshole role player craps are here for that Uldragoth crap!

Jack's Voice: The name's Vade of Uldrigoth and he ain't here right now!

Shego: (annoyed) For the love of God!

Ryan: Anyway, please tell him there is to be a meeting in the Great Hall. I have found a way to get some discount game consoles and Vade will want to hear about it.

Shego: (dryly) And I should care why?

Jesse: (annoyed) Just tell him!

At a makeshift area in Amishiro Park, Benson noticed Haruka in a Tuxedo Mask-like outfit before stopping her.

Benson: What's going on? And what the heck did they do to this part of the park?

Haruka: We're having a meeting and it was Ryan's idea to set it up here.

Benson: (frowns) I would've expected Bowser's son doing something like this. And what exactly are you wearing?

Haruka: A Tuxedo Mask outfit. Serena told me that she missed him so much, I somewhat felt a bit bad and wanted to try something to cheer her up.

Benson: Ugh. This is more intense than Pinky's idea to remake the Freddy bots into new versions that got scrapped in '87!

Haruka: At least it's to cheer her up. Now the meeting's starting and I have to hear the news.

In the meeting itself, Rigby and Mordecai walked around the crowd that gathered before Ryan tapped his stick.

Ryan: Order! Order! (to the crowd) Thank you all for coming.

Jesse: (looks around) Didge the Smiter, Vade, (glares) Tuxedo Haruka.

The short hair blond frowned, scoffing a bit.

Ryan: Warriors, we have fought many great battles together. At Ash's house. At the park house.

Jesse: And the Road House!

Haruka: It's our way or the highway!

Ryan: But soon we will be fighting the greatest battle of our young hot lives. Winter is coming, and the discounts for what we need are hitting the shelves.

Ash: Which nobody can afford.

Argit: (stands up) I ain't a role player or nothing, but I AM a paid spy, so I want you to ask you this: What if I were to tell you that if we all worked together, there's a way we can get the upcoming latest retro gaming system.

Davis: If you know of a way, dude, then speak.

Argit: I have learned of a dark magic at work. The day after Thanksgiving, the first 100 people inside the recently opened Nakoyoshi Mall get 80% off whatever they want. They are calling it...Black Friday.

The crowd gasped with a few muttering in surprise.

Miss Scary: Woo, spooky.

Carl: (nonchalant/overlapping) Mr. Perfect's doing 85% off for 200 people.

Mina: (interrupts) Black Friday? Come on, that can't be real.

Vlad: It IS real, Feather Head! He and I saw it on news, butthole!

Serena: (stands up) It IS real. They do it every year. But everyone in town tries to be the first inside the mall on Black Friday. What chance do we have?

Ryan: On our own, none. But if we plan, strategize, and fight together! (pounds a desk) We can be the first people inside on Black Friday. And use the 80% to get the gaming system we need to survive.

Jesse: (nods) That's right. And we all want it, don't we?

Crowd: Yeah!

Rigby: Yeah, we can show those turds what for!

Hotaru: Uh by the way, I think Mr. Mouse is getting a bit antsy. Should we worry?

Rigby: (scoffs) Don't think about it too much. As long as that stupid crown of that bitch mother of his' doesn't glow near the Christmas that this so-called (mockingly) "nutcracker" (normal tone) is found, he can do diddly squat!

Mr. Bump: Oh! Can we get the Freddy Fazbear toys???

Bowser Jr.: Didn't you have those when we were stuck working there?

Mr. Bump: Yeah, but the management said that they needed them back once we were fired.

Bowser Jr.: (face faults) Idiot.

On the news, some familiar figures were shown with Mr. Happy smiling.

Mr. Happy: Well it's almost Thanksgiving, and we all know what that means.

Miss Sunshine: That's right. Black Friday is right around the corner.

Dan Anchorman: Ouch.

Nurse: And people are already gearing up.

Dan Anchorman: Especially Bubs's.

We see a scene at Bubs as he grins.

Bubs: You betcha! Remember, if you're lucky, you folks can get on this year's edition of "Black Friday Massacre"! $19.99 plus tax!

Maxwell: We go now live with temp correspondent Yuki Kunicha for the upcoming Black Friday Massacre. Yuki?

It then cut to the mall where Yuki was looking at some shoppers.

Yuki: Maxwell, I'm here at the Nakoyoshi Mall where many shoppers here explain their reasons for being here.

Fat Man with Single Tooth: We usually start linin' up around 3 am. We uh douse ourselves in pig blood, because it does help us slip through the crowd when the doors open.

Family Man: We do it every year, part of the family tradition. Last year we lost our youngest daughter. Her head was stepped on and crushed, but, in her memory, we're going to find a young girl and step on her head this year.

Fat Woman: (snaps) If anyone thinks they're gonna beat me inside that mall, and keep me fron gettin' (points to fat kids) my kids Christmas presents, they can kiss my fat butt, 'cause I'm bringin' the motherf-in' pain!

She growled, barring her teeth.

Yuki: Friends, the Nakayoshi Mall says they've beefed up security in an effort to reduce the number of fatalities this year. One thing's for sure, people take Black Friday very seriously.

Meanwhile, at the Team Spicer HQ backyard, Ryan watched as many of the role playing friends were using their wooden items, practicing their fights.

Ryan: Yes. Yes, very nice. Good. You managed to help influence the others to fight.

Vlad: Good. Good.

Setsuna: (arriving) Fake Wizard Vlad, King Ryan of Narnia, Queen Jesse of Narnia-

Vlad: Hey, we're pretending those didn't happen.

Jesse: They DID happen, Vlad! You just don't know it because you weren't in Narnia at the time.

Vlad: Anyone who believes Narnia exist also thinks Equestria exist!

Jesse: (annoyed) That exist too!

Vlad: (dryly) Oh hardy har har. Next you'd be telling me One Ring exists!

Both: (snaps) That exists as well!!

He tumbled away from the two.

Setsuna: Anyway, I've heard from Megumi and the others who checked the internet about the description.

Ryan: About the console?

Coconuts: (salutes) Yeah, and they informed us about-

Daffy, in what seemed to be wizard garb, groaned.

Daffy: (sternly) They don't salute in Gundam Warriors, monkey bot!

Coconuts: I haven't watched it and why should I give a damn about watching it anyway?

Daffy: You just need to start on it immediately.

Coconuts: (frowns) Why?

Digit: I never watched Gundam Warriors either but I ain't complaining.

Ryan read the paper he was given before smiling.

Ryan: Ah, very good. The House of Steampunk has agreed to join our fight!

Rigby: (confused) The House of Steampunk?

Jesse: Wall-E and Eve.

Daffy: But my friends, we must still find others who will fight by our side! Are there no other factions we can call to our aid?

Sonik: Hey yeah, I know. How about we ask those kids who play Star Trek or Star Wars?

Daffy: Uhh noo! Screw those guys. They're dorks, and I'm not playing with them.

Sonik: But for all we know, Star Wars is real.

Vlad: (scoffs) Sure. And next thing you'll tell us, Grievie is real!

He was bonked by Mac, whom pretended not to look.

Vlad: Agh!

Back at the Nakayoshi Mall, while clouds gathered around, a lone guard sat near the entrance, drinking from his flask before Fidget arrived.

Fidget: Hey, that's what I'm talkin' about. You got any extra of that?

He was given the flask.

Fidget: Oh, thanks!

He sat down, drinking it a bit.

Fidget: Gets a little boring around here, you know?

Lone Guard: Enjoy the boredom while you can.

Fidget: At least it's better than guarding the night shift at Freddy's.

Lone Guard: Huh?

Fidget: (quickly) Nothing.  So you worked here last winter? You worked on Black Friday?

Lone Guard: I did.

Fidget: Is it really as bad as they say it is?

Lone Guard: The shoppers...Hm...They started showing up at midnight on Thursday...They...didn't line up, they just crammed themselves near the main entrance...(seriously) I can see their faces smooshed up against the glass, licking their lips, waiting to get in...God, the sounds that they made...

Fidget: (shocked) Whoa.

Lone Guard: It was 5 am when they opened the doors...There was screaming...blood...people...tearing each other's faces off while holiday music played in the background...I saw a woman...pick up her daughter by the ankle and swing her into some old guy's head...Before I knew it they were all around me...fighting, clawing.

Fidget: Man, that's just as bad as when my boss tossed me to the river...literally!

Lone Guard: Then a hand reached in and pulled me out.

He pointed to the lead guard.

Lone Guard: Robin Rooney. He saved us all that day. When it was over...the front of the mall was...covered in red. (shivers) Bodies...shopping bags...

He then looked at the banner.

Lone Guard: And now winter comes again.

After a few moments, he snatched his flask back, drinking the remains. The next day, Scratch was looking through his list.

Scratch: Hmmm, I don't know about those tickets Mr. Phage was giving out. Won't it make people piss at people who steal turkeys or something?

Grounder: Not my fault that those tickets are cursed.

Digit: Anyway, the guys and I started watching Gundam Warriors.

Daffy: Ah yes, Paladin Didge, are you enjoying it?

Digit: Well it's it's pretty good, I guess.

Daffy: You don't sound like you're too thrilled.

Digit: It's just that well...have you ever notice that almost every time they show some person's tattoo, that guy is obviously either stupid or evil?

Coconuts: What do you mean?

Digit: Well ih-it's just that they have a lot of masks and helmets and stuff, but most times they show someone's tattoo, it's because that guy's either a homosexual, lesbian or just plain evil. Do you think it's because that's less coincidental than what they normally have?

Daffy: Ugh, I believe you might be missing the greater point of the show, Paladin.

Digit: What point? It's just guys riding around in robots shooting at stuff.

Daffy: So? You're a robot and you shoot at stuff!

Digit: No you're thinking of Megaman and Eve. Anyway, winter is coming and there's villains on the way. I'm pretty excited for that. Just could do with a little less tattoos is all.

Coconuts: At least it wasn't that manga where a baby was born and aged and evolved to different creatures without actually dying that was accidentally read.

Scratch: Ick! THAT I don't wanna accidentally find either.

After a few moments, they arrived to the backyard before looking at Ryan with the crowd.

Ryan: We have word from the kindergartners. They've agreed to join us!

Crowd: Huzzah!

Cyborg: BB and I are in it for the game console!

Beast Boy: Well duh!

Vlad: It will be good as ours!

Crowd: Yeah!

Bowser Jr.: Because the best retro console is...

They jumped as they shouted.

Bowser Jr.: (simutaneiously) Super Fun Machine!

Sonik: (simutaneously) Retranox Kega!

Mr. Bump: C! All of the above!

Both: (confused) Wait, what?

Cyborg: Wait, wait. What are you talking about? Super Fun Machine!?

The smiles started fading a bit.

Daffy: That's what this is all about, Cy. We're all trying to get Super Fun Machines on Black Friday.

Mordecai: I thought we were getting Retranoxes.

Daffy: (chortles) What?

Ryan: Yeah, me too.

Daffy: Noooooo. Guys, when I said we're gonna get the next gen retro gaming systems, I was obviously talking about Super Fun Machines.

Digit: Yeah.

Ryan: But I want a Retranox, not a Fun Machine they just added on!

Mr. Bump: Can't it just be both?

Mr. Bump: We could get one and ask Santa for one!

Daffy: (annoyed) Oh sure. Like Santa is made of money!

Vlad: (snaps) We don't have enough for both! It's one or the other! And Santa AIN'T gonna give us the latter later!

Beast Boy: Look, guys, we all have to agree on one system.

Vlad: That's right.

Beast Boy: If some of us are on Retranoxes, but the rest of us are on Super Fun Machines, then we all can't play together online from the online features they got. See? This is all about commiting to one machine.

Mr. Bump: (pause) So it isn't like getting a Nintendo 3DS or a Wii U?

Bowser Jr.: They're both basically the same company, this is different, bozo!

Cyborg: Right, let's all get Retranoxes!

Beast Boy: No way, the Super Fun Machines are gonna be better!

Ash: (snaps) They're NOT better, they're just more expensive!

Beast Boy: You're just jealous because you don't get free games on a Retranox!

Cyborg: That's exactly why they're more expensive!

Daffy: We're GETTING the Super Fun Machines and THAT is final!

Mina: Hmph, that's exactly what Fun Machine people are!

Some: Yeah!

Mr. Bump: Minimus would know what kind of retro gaming thing we can-(realizes) Oh right, (looks down) he's dead, he can't tell us anymore. I got depressed again!

Bowser: Retra-dorks are dorks!

Beast Boy: (snaps) YOU are a dork!

Daffy: Fine! If you guys don't wanna join us on Black Friday to get the Super Fun Machines, then that's fine!

Rigby: We're still gonna fight on Black Friday, just not with you!

Daffy: (groans) Oh, it's gonna be like that, is it?!

Ryan: Everyone who wants to get Retranoxes, join with us!

Only a few began going near them while the goat near them looked confused.

Jesse: Well I'm joining if you aren't Thomas.

Thomas: Uh maybe we probably should just get-

Some: (snaps) THOMAS!!

He yelped, joining Ryan's group.

Digit: (gasps) No! We can't divide like this!

Beast Boy: We can and we will!

Mr. Bump: Is this gonna be like Kirk vs. Picard again?

Melody: Bro?

The fox stopped, looking at her.

Melody: (worried) You're on our side, right?

Sonik: I like the Retranox's controller better. Reminds me of Mordo and Rigs' KEGA controllers.

Cyborg: Think about what you're doing, Beast Boy!

Beast Boy: Cy, the Retranox doesn't have the seamless transition between games, movies,and TV offered by Super Fun Machines.

Sonik: (sheds tears) But the Retranox has a touchpad interface. You never listened. I told you I thought the Retranox was better, but you never wanted to listen to me, sis. You just had your head so set because...(glares) because that's how Super Fun Machine people are.

Melody: (confused) Eh? What did you say? I wasn't paying attention.

Sonik did a face fault.

Sonik: Ugh!

He angrily slapped her with the mongoose girl gasping with a stunned look on her face.

Sonik: (snaps) Mr. Pinky is right, you ARE stupid when it comes to Fun Machines of different kinds!

Melody: Hmph! Then I guess I'll see you on Black Friday.

Sonik: If I see you at the mall, Melody, I will have to try to beat you inside.

Melody: I know.

Thomas: (shocked) Wait, you listened to that-

Daffy: (quickly) Come on, Mel, let these Retro Jerks wallow in their limited voice-control fonctionality.

He pulled Melody away while she glared back at where Sonik's group was. As that happened, only Digit and Thomas were left.

Thomas: Uh by the way, Digit, before you go and before I gotta go back to my college studies, I gotta know, who gave Daffy or Ryan the idea of putting people together to get whatever consoles they wanted?

Digit: (bitterly) That would be the fat guy who hates Sylvester more so than Fat Cat.

As he left, Thomas crossed his arms, departing.

Thomas: (frowns) Figures Pinky had something to do with this just to make people fight and him probably scamming everyone.

That night, at the Team Spicer HQ, a familiar bat arrived before he yawned, plopping to the couch with the Phage noticing.

Fidget: (singing) Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat. Please to put a penny in the old man's-

Phage: (glares) Fidget, what in Hell's Bells are you doing?

Fidget: Oh, you're still up, huh?

Phage: Yes, what are you even doing? Christmas isn't until December.

Fidget: I wanna be ready!

Phage: And what is with the security badge on your scarf?

Fidget: Okay, okay. Since I ain't getting my Christmas Bonus this year because you're using it, I got some people to help me look for a temp job. Mr. Perfect's would've been cool, but all positions were filled, so we took Mall Cop jobs at the Nakayoshi Mall.

Phage: What kind of idiot do you take me for?

Fidget: I mean it! I need the cash badly! (looks teary) And no one else wanted to hire me because they don't give out good stuff!

Phage: AND you're obviously doing this to try and get to the front of the line on Black Friday and possibly steal anything you can grab, aren't you?

Fidget: (pause) If I say yes, would you not eat me?

Phage: The question is...why?

Fidget: Come on. Nobody else has thought of it, Henry. Heck, I won't even be out in the crowd. I'll be on the inside when the doors open. While everyone is trying to run over each other, I'll turn around and run right into the stores. (grins) I'll be the first to get whatever I want!

Phage: Isn't Black Friday supposed to be about buying things for OTHER people?

Fidget: It would if I had that bonus this year!

Phage: Fidget, that's got to be the most idiotic idea I've ever heard from you.

Fidget: (stretching) I ain't the only one who's at the temp job, ya know. Captain Sylvia, that cousin of hers Tidus, Al, and a few others are doing the same thing I am. After all, winter is coming, Phagie, and I'm a sneaky little bee.

He made a buzz noise while mock flying his arm.

Fidget: It's the perfect plan to steal stuff!

Phage: (pauses) Like I said: most idiotic idea ever.

(End of Act 1)