literature

KNS: Saddlesore Galaxia 2

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Literature Text

(Act 2)

At the kitchen, while the kids were feeding the horse the hay, Fuzzy glanced at Conan tapping on his calculator.

Conan: Oh man. Holy cow. Fuzzy, Homestar, Strong Bad, when you got assigned to take care of the horse, did you look at the predictions of your bills?

Homestar: We just usually bribe Bubs and he takes care of it.

Conan: It's going to cost us $500 US a week to keep Duncan.

Homestar: But he'll bring us joy, Conan, unlike Miss Sunshine and Marzipan's silly goo-gahs.

Marzipan: At least you don't have to feed any of the stuff we bought at the fair.

Miss Sunshine: Except the mop, that is.

She tossed some crackers to it before the mop chewed on it, slurping it.

Fuzzy: Stupid question.

Miss Sunshine: Yes?

Fuzzy: What's a goo-gah?

Strong Bad: A bunch of useless crap they swindle you into.

Fuzzy: Oh.

Strong Bad: Okay, Marzi-Dork, your pro-mop/anti-horse agenda has been clear for some time, but don't worry. I have a way for Duncan to earn his keep.

Homestar: Yeah! Let's form a show and called it Mr. Ed!

Strong Bad: No, I say we perform him in a diving platform and-

He was hit on the head by Marzipan.

Strong Bad: Agh!

Marzipan: (glares) Duncan's too traumatized for that ever again! He almost drowned.

Strong Bad: I know, that's why I plan to have him dive, only this time in Gel-a-Ton.

He was hit once more.

Strong Bad: Agh!

Fuzzy: (frowns) Ah gots an idear.

Later, the horse in football darted before preparing to hit the football Miss Naughty held.

Berry: Okay, Miss Naughty, keep it steady!

Miss Naughty: Oh I will.

Just then, before the horse kicked it, Miss Naughty pulled it away before it neighed yelp, then crashed to the ground.

Some: Miss Naughty!

Miss Naughty: We never shook on it.

A bit later, the football was kicked, flying high in the air.

Coach Z: Hmm. That's terrific. Great kick, Duncan. You're 10 for 10!

Strong Bad: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just look in the rule book and see if horses can play in the sports they call Football.

Fuzzy: (snatches the book) Lemme see!

He turned the pages, then looked before frowning.

Fuzzy: D'oh!

Miss Calamity: He's a diving horse. Maybe he could dive for pearls.

Strong Bad: (ponders) Pearls, eh?

(Dream Sequence)

In a cloud-looking area, Strong Bad lied in a pearl-made bed before Strong Sad in butler clothing came, giving Strong Bad some pearls in a bowl.

Strong Sad: (bitterly) Breakfast is served.

Strong Bad: Thank you, Jeeves.

He swallowed some pearls before looking in a pearl-made mirror, laughing wickedly.

Strong Bad: Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

(End Dream Sequence)

Strong Bad only laughed a bit before he was tapped.

Berry: Yo, SB.

Strong Bad: What? I'm trying to have a moment!

Berry: This horse is pretty fast.

Homestar: I know! Let's have Duncan race! That's how Pinky and the Brain did it with Fartneutron!

Some: Far-Fig-Newton.

Homestar: Whatever.

Fuzzy: Racehorse, eh? (closes his eyes) Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Back in the park house, Mr. Tickle was writing a letter.

Rigby: Why can't we just send him an email?

Hotaru: He doesn't have a proper email address setup, Rigby.

Mr. Tickle: Here, how about this one? "Dear Mr. Emperor-"

Benson: (peeks) What are you five doing?

Mr. Scatterbrain: Hello, Benson. We're writing a letter to the emperor.

Benson: Dare I ask why?

Mordecai: Because we wanna tell him about the travesty of the band contest earlier.

Rigby: They cheated with stolen wands and I'm sure as a band participant in the past, he'll be outraged.

Benson: Don't be obsessed with that crap.

Pops looked in as he spoke.

Pops: Benson is right, you must focus on the good things in life.

He showed the extinguisher to them.

Pops: Like this fire extinguisher I got at the fair.

Hotaru: Please, you two, we really-(notices) Gah!

They yelped, noticing Pops lighting the curtain on fire.

Benson: Pops, what are you doing!?

Pops used the extinguisher, blowing out the fire.

Pops: It's the only fire extinguisher endorsed by both Lynda Carter and George Foreman. (ponders) I wonder what would happen if they had a baby.

He began laughing hilariously, rolling on the floor.

Rigby: (frowns) No offense, Pops, but neither you and Benson know what you're saying or doing.

Mordecai: Anyway, how do you like it if either of you get cheated?

Benson: (snaps) Look, we're trying to make a point here: You're going after them for revenge. And trust me on this one: revenge is NOT always a good thing.

Mr. Tickle: Not unless it's someone like those Crust Cousin jerks.

Later, the group glanced at Duncan with a blue cover.

Miss Calamity: Now Duncan, I'm sure you'll do fine. After all, you need to exercise.

Cherry: Fuzzy, boys, if we's gonna race Duncan, shouldn't we done hire a professional trainer?

Fuzzy: Cherry, I learned every lil' 'ting Ah needed to know fro' 'De Horse Whisperer.

Miss Calamity: (dryly) That will save us.

Fuzzy: (whispers) Which mean Ah gotta whisper.

Strong Bad: He's right. Step 1: Seduce a lonely housewife. (to Marzipan) Ma'am.

Marzipan: (glares) Don't even think about it.

Homestar: Are you my goil this week?

Marzipan: For now.

Homestar: (to Strong Bad) Then back off or I will get the hose!

Strong Bad: And now for the actual whispering. Fuzzy?

Fuzzy: (whispers/to Duncan) When 'de race starts, run really fast.

Homestar: Ah, this is fun! (whispers) If you built it, they will come.

Strong Bad: We're not doing Field of Dreams, idiot.

Later, at a place marked "Tokyo Racecourse", the crowd began entering while inside, the jockeys began leading their horses to their places. With a familiar figure, he began digging on the ground a bit.

Fidget: (frowns) Aw, come on, come on. There's gotta be a winner on this floor somewhere. (gasps) Bingo!

He prepared to take it before another hand prepared to take it.

Fidget: (glares) Hey, let go, you lousy stinkin'-(notices) WHAAAA!?

He gasped, noticing a female bat holding the ticket, blushing a bit.

Fidget: Whoa-ho...uh, hi. You look nice.

Just then, his heart thumped out in a cartoon fashion, freaking the obviously non-toon bat as she darted away.

Fidget: (Anime tears) OH WHYYYYY!? (bawling) No-ho-hooooo.

Man: (passing) What a loser.

On the field, the jockeys with the horses in weird clothing came to the area.

Jockey 1: Just once I'd like to ride clockwise.

Jockey 2: Really? I thought I was the only one.

After a moment, a horn blazed, making the horses neigh and dart off with Fuzzy's group arriving.

Strong Bad: Hey, move it! Champion horse coming through!

Jockey 2: (shocked) What the-?

The horn was blown loudly.

Homestar: (to Duncan) Good horse.

He then showed a taco to him.

Homestar: Here's one taco. And you'll get another when you win.

The horse ate the taco before Homestar looked at the horses.

Homestar: Uh why are those horses dressed weirdly?

Jockey 1: No clue. They probably like what they're wearing.

Homestar: I see. Anyway, where do you get those metal dealies for his feet?

Jockey 1: (frowns) You mean horseshoes?

Homestar: (glares) Hey, what's with the attitude? I just want some dealies.

Jockey 2: You really think that horse can run a mile and a half?

Fuzzy: He ran all 'de way here.

The jockeys frowned a bit. Later, at the stating line, the man with horn blew the horn while the jockeys prepared to enter the starting line.

Homestar: Come on, you can do it, Duncan. We don't care if your odds are...how many are there?

Strong Bad: (reading/shocked) "5 Millions to 1"?! Oh crap!

Fuzzy: GRRR!! GRAH!!

Finally, they departed, leaving the horse with his rider.

Berry: (grins) Don't worry, boy, I'll love you, even if you don't win.

The horses grunts a bit.

Berry: Hee hee. You sound like my big brother when you grunt like that.

The horse smiled, nuzzling a bit to her before arriving to the start. At the pit area, Fuzzy with Homestar and Strong Bad came between Bubs and Bender.

Strong Bad: That horse better win or we're taking a trip to the glue factory.

Homestar: And he won't get to come.

Strong Bad: And I will make you eat the glue!

Bubs: Yeah, that's a great tour. But you can't see it all in one day.

Bender: (glares) Hey. be quiet. I'm trying to win against the crappy horse you picked.

Then, the bell rang as most of the horses, minus Duncan, darted off.

Voice: And away they go!

Fuzzy: Go, Duncan!

Bender: Go, Number 7, let's go!

Bubs: Come on, win me some!

Up above, in the booth studio, a man similar to America looked seriously.

Man: (Canadian voice) This is Canada, your announcer. It's Chock Full O' Drugs, followed closely by Stalker, with Old Levis fading fast.

Just then, he used the binoculars, noticing Duncan still in the pin.

Canada: What's this? Number five, Duncan the horse, no one expected to do anything, ISN'T doing anything. He hasn't even left the starting gate.

Back at the starting gate, Berry noticed Duncan looking scared.

Berry: (concerned) Come on, boy. I know you're scared, but you can do this. (smiles) I believe in you.

Duncan whined a bit before darting off.

Canada: Would you look at this? The straggler, Duncan, has exploded out of the gate and is making a big move! He's showing more heart than any horse I've ever seen.

However, they stopped, noticing the other winning horse already praised as winner.

Canada: What a shame the race is already over.

The two noticed, then looked down as the girl and horse groaned, departing while the winning horse smirked cruelly at where the two had left.

Horse: (quietly) Heh, dude's not a bro and he ain't never gonna be.

(End of Act 2)
After finding out how much the horse costs to keep, Strong Bad, Homestar, and Fuzzy decide to enter Duncan in the race, which he fails.
Comments1
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JusSonic's avatar
Smells like a conspiracy. Good work per usual.