Sta.sh
(Act 2)
Back at the familiar HQ, the gang watched some TV.
Voice: We now return to Dangereque 3: The Criminal Projective...in 3D!!
Muscle Man: Aw man! I hate not having 3D glasses to help me watch the movie better.
Marzipan: (frowns) Look, Strong Bad butchered it to make only HIMSELF better.
Strong Bad: Yeah, I know. It was totally worth it.
Justin Wingate: Homestar: Skarr! (sticks tongue out) Psssst! Ha ha ha! That was funny like Muscle Man's My Mom jokes!
Some: Homestar!
Jenny Wakeman: (to Strong Bad) Wasn't it YOU that not only cause everyone to hate your movie, but also almost got reality and fantasy destroyed?
Strong Bad: (snaps) No.
Skarr: (arriving) I can't believe you let those jackass vultures confiscate the closest thing I had to a car.
Jack: Aw geez, you act like it's the worst thing I've ever done.
Phage: Second worst. The worst was actually putting Peanut Butter AND cement on a prank that was meant for Hector, but got on ME!!
Jack: Aww good times.
Muscle Man: You know also's third worst? Skarr! (sticks tongue out) Psssst! Ha ha ha!
Skarr: Well, I don't care. 'Cause you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get a job and buy a real car.
Homestar: Hey, Skarr, I'll pay you a dollar a day to smell my sneakers.
He laughed hysterically, prancing and laughing around before stopping inside the bathroom.
Homestar: Oh! I peed and pooped.
Most: Eww.
Benson: You know, I read that they're opening a Wall-to-Wall Mart across town. Maybe you could get a job there.
Pops: Yes, it has all the best prices so low that money can buy. Why just yesterday, when it opened, I bought me a new hat.
Marzipan: Oh no. No, no, no way. You cannot work there, General.
Strong Bad: Oooh crap. You're gonna say that "Giant mega-stores like Wall-to-Wall Mart are ruining this country."
Marzipan: No, not all of them. Perfect Megastore is actually pretty decent from a perfect Mr. Man. The actual case is that there's something very creepy about Wall-to-Wall Mart. And not only that, this stores doesn't pay workers good or even ANY wages, nor give any benefits, and they're forced to work for all 24/7, 365 untiil you die.
Homestar: Hey, just like Peeps did when Benson got that security upgrade.
Benson: (annoyed) Stop reminding me, okay?!
Marzipan: At least in Perfect Megastore, he has a very good organic garden store.
Strong Bad: I did NOT need to hear that.
Marzipan: And it's not JUST that I'm a bit ethical, but I'm worried that if they keep going to Wall-to-Wall Mart, something horrible is going to happen to our town.
Strong Bad: Oh brother. You only hate that megastore ever since you accidentally petted that retarded one legged pet that kid had over there.
-Cutaway Gag-
Marzipan came up to a one legged dog before petting him a bit.
Marzipan: Hey there, doggie.
Dog: Ow.
Marzipan: Nice doggie.
Dog: Ow.
Marzipan: (pets more firmly) Doggie!
Dog: Too hard.
Marzipan: I like him.
Dog: Too hard.
Marzipan: Doggie!
Dog: Gonna bite.
Marzipan: Doggie!
Dog: Gonna bite.
Marzipan: Cute doggie!
Just then, she was bit by him as she screamed in pain.
Marzipan: AHHHHH!!
Dog: Oh, Jeez.
She fainted to the ground.
Dog: Don't worry, I can help you make it on your own...to the hospital.
-End Cutaway Gag-
Homestar: (crying) Oh Lil' Brudder!! WHYYYYY?! (rolls on the ground) You were so petted too much!
Strong Bad: (dryly) Homestar, that isn't Lil' Brudder. He doesn't bite people.
At the store marked "Wall-to-Wall Mart", the attractive lady showed Skarr around.
Lady: Welcome to the Wall-to-Wall family, Skarr. Glad to have you.
Skarr: Thanks. I'm really excited to get to work.
Lady: Now, let me just go over a few basics. You'll earn minimum wage, no overtime, no health benefits, and your shift is 24/7 365 'til you die.
Skarr: Oh uh anything else?
Lady: (nods) Yes, every day at 3:00, you'll need to give one of our stoned gargoyles a Baby Ruth. (realizes) Oh, it's nearly 3:00, now.
The bottom door opened before Skarr was given the candy bar and he headed downstairs. In the basement, he noticed three Toon gargoyle statues nearby.
Skarr: Lemme guess: got bored in Notre Dame, Hugo, Victor, and Laverne?
Hugo: Nevermind that! Gimme!
Skarr: Fine, take it.
Hugo snatched it, eating with delight.
Victor: Well Hugo really couldn't help himself. He's addicted to those Baby Ruths for some time.
Laverne: (smirks) So we haven't seen you before, handsome.
Skarr: I'm guessing Jack and his key bearer friends met you?
Hugo: (muffles) Well of course he did. I mean after all, they WERE in the past, weren't they?
Skarr: (dryly) I wonder why?
Later, at a now bare street, the familiar faces walked through the area, looking stunned as they saw stores closing down.
Homestar: Hey, guys, what's going on?
Mr. Bounce: Friends, Wall-to-Wall Mart has taken all my business.
Papierwaite: Mine, too.
Miss Chatterbox: How terrible! Why would someone do such a thing?
Mr. Bounce: I don't know. For some reason, yesterday I was doing real well and this morning, for some odd reason, all my money and valuable food disappeared. And the worst thing is...my garden on the roof was vanished.
Mr. Tickle: Gasp! Who would DO something this terrible?
Rigby: I bet it was Spike Milligan's ghost or something.
Mordecai: Rigby, don't be stupid.
Miss Daredevil: Wait, how can your garden disappear? Didn't you give it some water?
Mr. Bounce: I did! But it literally vanished. The trees, fruits, everything I had is gone.
Marzipan: Well, maybe now, you guys are seeing what I've been trying to explain to you. That mega store is a big, evil corporation that means nothing but trouble for this town.
Homestar: I bet you say that to a lot of stores.
Marzipan: Stores like Mr. Perfect's don't count.
Miss Chatterbox: I think the corporation place is absorbing stuff to put all good businesses out of business.
Some: (shocked) What?!
Jack: Aw, man, this is the worst thing to happen to this town since that roving gang of Major Dr. Ghastly's Tom Brokaw clones.
-Cutaway Gag-
At an alley, Yukari walked down the alley, notcing some Tom Brokaw clones glaring with the lead one holding a pipe.
Brokaw Leader: Looks like someone's a little lost.
-End Cutaway Gag-
At the familiar school, as students were studying, Kurata's voice was heard.
Kurata's Voice: Attention everyone. I have some bad news. Due to the budgetry and the much cheaper schools in Wall-to-Wall Mart, this school is unfortunately closed.
Students: YAY!!
Kurata's Voice: But the good news is that this place was bought up and we're now working as a mine shaft for the school hours.
Students: BOOOO!!
Jack: (horrified) What!? Turning my school to full labor?! Holy crap! (frowns) Man, this sucks worse than Easter Sunday at Cow and Chicken's house.
-Cutaway Gag-
At a familiar house, Jack looked at Cow.
Jack: Okay, find the Easter egg.
Cow: I know where it is. It's in your butt.
Chicken: No.
Jack: That's just dumb.
Cow: (grins) Yeah, I know the story, it's in your butt.
Chicken: (frowns) Cow, if you'd just look on the ground for five seconds I'm sure you'd find it.
He pointed to behind her.
Cow: Nope, in Jack's butt.
Jack: (frowns) Look, I'm tired of this stupid rumor.
Cow: In your butt.
Chicken: Cow!
Cow: Butt.
Both: Cow!
Cow: Butt.
Jack: Why do you keep saying my butt?
Cow: Cause it IS in your butt.
Jack: (snaps) That's it, I'm out! Weirdo!
With that, he was gone.
Chicken: It's not in that guy's a-hole, Cow.
Cow: (shakes her head) No, not INSIDE his butt.
He pointed to a pork butt.
Cow: I was talking about inside Jack's Pork Butts and Taters.
Chicken groaned in annoyance as she heard squishing noises from under her hoof foot.
Chicken: Cow, if it's in the Pork Butt, then what DID you step on?
She looked at her foot, realizing a bit.
Cow: Uh oh.
-End Cutaway Gag-
That evening, as dinner was served, the serpent demon glanced at Skarr.
Phage: So, how was work today, General Skarr?
Jack: (sticks his tongue out) Phhhppt.
Phage: (glares) Jack stop, you lost your school because of the Wall-to-Wall Mart, so don't blame Skarr.
Jack: (sticks his tongue out) Phhhppt.
Phage: And stop making those damn farting sounds every time someone says "Skarr".
Jack: (sticks his tongue out) Phhhppt.
Rigby: So, how was your day exploiting the town's resources, Skarr?
Jack: (sticks his tongue out) Phhhppt.
Puppetmon: Ha-ha-ha-ha! Skarr!
Jack: (sticks his tongue out) Phhhppt.
Puppetmon: Skaaaarr!
Jack: (sticks his tongue out) Phhhhhhhppt.
Puppetmon: Skarr, Skarr, Skarr, Skarr, Skarr, Skarr, Skarr!
Jack: (sticks his tongue out) Phhhppt. Phhhppt. Phhhppt. Phhhppt. Phhhppt. Phhhppt. Phhhppt.
Puppetmon: (whispers) Skarr.
Jack: (sticks his tongue out/quietly) Phhhppt.
Katz: Look, we already tried burning it up, but it rebuilt itself in an instant.
Mirage: And the manager committing suicide? (shudders) Ugh.
Skarr: (frowns) I'm not going to sit here and take this. I'm the only one in this gang who has a job outside this department.
Jack whispered to the red nose wolf's ear a bit.
Bobcat: (chuckles) Yeah, like he'd get paid for THAT.
Skarr: (snaps) What did he just say to you?
Bobcat: Nothing, th-there was...Well, it-it's like if you were...F-Forget it, it's nothing, Skarr.
Jack: (sticks his tongue out) Phhhppt.
The next day, the news was broadcast with Dan, Maxwell, and the Nurse fanning themselves.
Dan Anchorman: Greetings Tokyo, Japan. And this is the news.
Nurse: At the top of the news, Tokyo is suffering it's worst heat wave in a century.
Dan Anchorman: That's right, Nurse.
Maxwell: We go live with Homsar for the weather report. How are you beating the heat, Homsar?
It showed a familiar figure flying in space.
Homsar: Daaaah, I'm the flying trapeeze artist.
It cut back to the repoters.
Maxwell: Um uh...Thanks, Homsar.
Dan Anchorman: (anger mark) Honestly, who the hell let that retard on this show?!
Yakko: (peeking) That'd be us Warners, Danny.
Dan Anchorman: (groans) Ugh, I should've known.
Nurse: In other news, Tokyo will be experiencing rolling blackouts to help meet Wall-to-Wall Mart's extensive power demands.
A note was given to her.
Nurse: Oh, in fact, TBS has just received this message from the Electric Company. (shouting) Hey, you guys!
Warners: (peeking) Title cue!
A familiar scene played as it showed the opening title to another show.
All: (siging) We're gonna turn it on
We're gonna bring you the power
It's coming down the line, Strong as it can be, Through the courtesy
The Electric Company. The Electric Company.
It cut back to the three.
Maxwell: Contrary to those upbeat lyrics, the Electric Company would like us to emphasize it will NOT be bringing you the power.
In an instant, the neighborhood turned off.
Rigby: (frowns) Great, rolling blackouts.
Mordecai: Yeah, and I hate it when they use the show to make them look bad as well.
Benson: Damn you, Wall-to-Wall Mart! Damn you all and your employees to Hell!!!
Pops: Well they're not getting the park. Papa and I have the deed, which we gave to you for your rule book.
Benson: Yeah, good luck of THEM trying to get the deed with me having it.
Skips: Anyway, it looks like Wall-to-Wall Mart is siphoning off all the city's power.
Jack: And they turned my school to a mine shaft!
Phage: And our jobs! We found out the Phage's Everything to Do Co. somehow got manufactured to THEIR company somehow.
Rigby: Yeah, magic. Got it.
Jack: Let's sue their asses! Someone get the Cheat and his water balloons!
Drakken: And Franchizka Von Karma to whip their asses. Ha! I like to see THEM dodge her whips.
Mordecai: I got a bad feeling about the places we like to hang out in.
Pops: At least no one has turned crazy for overbuying very low and cheap immitations.
Homestar: (dazily) Must buy...from...Wall-to-Wall Mart.
Marzipan: Homestar!
Marzipan hits Homestar with her guitar, knocking him out of it.
Homestar: What, what?
Jack: (frowns) Ah, this sucks. That damn Superstore's ruining everything.
Rika: You know, instead of sitting around complaining, why don't we go down there and protest?
Jack: That's a great idea, Rika. All we need is some magic markers, posterboard, some plywood...Actually, Wall-to-Wall Mart has all that stuff. We can just get it there.
Phage: You WILL not!
Jack: Then let's try L-Mart!
Rika: (frowns) They've been out of business for years!
Strong Bad: Actually, Bubs has them and HE is the only other store in business, but remember: They don't come cheap.
A bit later, at the familiar store, as Skarr stacked some CDs, he heard shouting before peeking outside. To his notice, he saw the entire town of protestors.
Jack: (snaps) There's one of them now.
Some eggs and water balloons were pelted by him as he yelped, dodging and being hit.
Jack: Take that for stealing jobs from hardworking people AND turning schools to YOUR business affairs!
Skarr screamed as he was pelted more.
Skarr: Guys, what the hell are you doing?!
Drakken: We got a message for you. We're here, we're queer, get used to it.
Jack: Uh, actually, Drakken-
Rigby: Gattaca, Gattaca!
Mordecai: Dudes, I don't think it's working. People are still going into the store.
He pointed to the people entering the store.
Rigby: Then let's sue the people going into the store!
Jack: How would that work?
Rigby: I just wanna sue some more!
Jack: Well, fine, then I guess I got to go in there and drag 'em out one by one. I'll go first.
Rika: I'm coming with you.
The crowd cheered as he started entering the store with Rika following behind.
Jack: (glares) All right, who the hell is in charge...
Just then, he felt the cool breeze in the store.
Jack: (shocked) Ah... ah, wha-what is that I'm feeling?
Worker: That's our industrialsized air conditioner.
Jack: (grins) Wow. When I walk into Wall-to-Wall Mart, I get the sensation...
He then imagined himself on a mountain top.
Jack: (shouts) That I'm standing on a mountain top with the wind blowing through my hair.
When it ended, Jack smiled at the items around the store.
Jack: My God, look at this wonderland of treasures. What would a guy like me have to do to be part of this magical world?
Rika: Look, I'm only here to help Jack keep track of getting this place sued.
Worker: But miss. They have a few tournaments here that you would obviously like.
Rika: Tour...na...ments?
Their eyes started glowing a bit. Outside, the friends looked shocked.
Some: Uh oh!
Phage: GRR! I KNEW I should've gone in first.
Rigby: Quick! Sue them!
Renamon: Wait til AFTER we get them out.
A bit later, the now employed Rika and Jack glared at the citizens.
Jack: You are trespassing on private property and I must ask you to leave.
Jenny: What? Are you out of your mind?
Rika: We have backup.
The clones from before gathered as they glared.
Brokaw 1: Leave this lot, losers.
Brokaw 2: Unless you want a licking.
Brokaw 3: And we'd love to deliver that licking, right, fellas?
Brookaws: (randomly) Yeah. Love it. A lot.
Last Brookaw: I'd love to lick a lemon lollipop in Lillehammer.
(End of Act 2)
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