AFT: A Tale of Hiccups 1

(OP: Front Breaking by Megumi Hayashibara)

A Foreigner's Tail: A Tale of Hiccups

On a sunny day, at Green River's center square, a carriage arrived to a strange area before it stopped. Then, a familiarish-looking bear turned, grinning a bit.

Br'er Bear: We is 'ere, Br'er Fox.

The door opened with the Southern-looking fox wearing a nice suit, despite him uncomfy, glanced.

Br'er Fox: Well finally! We is gonna be makin' lots o' money!! He-he-he-he-he!!

He took out the banner, placing it on top of the carriage. The sign was fixed up as it showed the words "Brer Fox's Purveyor of Miracle Wonders and Cures". He hopped down to the ground before breathing in the air.

Br'er Fox: (sighs) 'Dat sweet smell o' success. AN' if Ah ain't mistaken...a certain rabbit visitin' 'dis 'ere town.

Br'er Bear: (sniffs) Hmmm? I don't smell nothin'.

Miss Calamity is nearby, reading a book while glaring.

Miss Calamity: Someone has a problem.

Br'er Fox: Wha? No I don't whoever yew is!

Miss Calamity: (not looking) Shouldn't you two be at Texas making yourselves look like idiots?

He growled in annoyance while inside a grocery store, a familiar magician weasel looked through a book.

Wheez: Come on. Come on. I know it's around here somewhere. Where's that spell when I need it?

All while Mr. Bump was reading a Lone Ranger comic and Br'er Weasel was reading a "Get Rich Quick" book.

Mr. Bump: Ha-ha-ha! Stupid crooks don't know what hit him.

Voice: Ahem.

The three yelped, dropping the books as they looked at the stern grocer which looked like a monster with spider legs nearby.

Weasels: (frowns) Hello, Mr. Waternoose.

Mr. Bump: Hi, Henry Jr.

Waternoose: It's MR. Waternoose to you, blue man. Does this look like a library, you three?

Nervously, the weasel in mustache placed the books up while the other two stuttered.

Wheez: (nervously) Uh um...well there are books here so we thought it WAS like a library and-

Br'er Weasel: Well not really. Uh he meant no.

Waternoose: Either buy something or get out!!

Wheez: (frowns) Ugh, fine! Screw you and I hope you OR your kid get dragged out of town!

Just then, the three yelped, tumbling to the ground before falling into the pile of clothes.

Mr. Bump: (dazed) Teacher, Junior wet himself again.

The others gasped, noticing the situation.

Brisby: (shocked) Oh my goodness.

Wheez: Hey Selene, you think I can get my allowance for next week today?

Selene: (glares) No.

Br'er Weasel: We was just lookin'.

Miss Calamity: (arriving) Oh come on, you guys. You spent next week's allowance last week AND your paychecks on things you don't wanna let us know about!

They picked up the clothing a bit.

Mr. Bump: (confused) Wait, we did? Since when?

Miss Calamity: Since Junior swindled you.

Mr. Bump: But Miss C, guys, I just gotta find out what happens (makes gun motions) to the Lone Ranger.

Miss Calamity: (sighs) Original or Johnny Depp?

Mr. Bump: Either one.

Brisby: Mr. Bump, just play like Mason, Cyrus, Chris, Arthur, and Timothy are doing.

The ones mentioned glanced, then hid behind the barrel. In their imagination, the four imagined themselves with their weapons, jumping a bit.

Timothy: He's right, mom, the Lone Ranger is the bravest, roughest, toughtest, sharpest sharp-shootin' cowboy ever to ride across the range.

Cyrus: Yee-haw!!

They made their jump to the imaginary Buck whom neighed before it showed reality once more with Junior and Bowser looking annoyed at them trying to ride on them.

Umana: (giggles) And he wears a friendly bonnet.

Mason: (notices) What?!

He took it off, frowning.

Mason: Wheez! Did you collide in the baby clothes again?

Arthur: Well no he doesn't.

Mason: (realizes) Hey, where's my hat at?

Br'er Fox's Voice: Well allow me, youn' un cowboy.

The hat was placed on before they noticed the fox.

Br'er Bear: (claps his hands) Wow, by jinkies, Ah done haven't seen a performance like 'dat since either Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show or Br'er Fox's show he put on when he was a youn' un back at-

Br'er Fox: (kicks him) An' yur done!!

Batula: Well his family gets a show every day, I'm afraid.

Miss Calamity, however, turned white in fear before screaming as she noticed Br'er Bear.

Miss Calamity: AHHHHHHH!! IT'S A BEAR!!

Br'er Bear: (confused) Bear?! Where?!

Justin: Sorry, Mr. Bump, but I'm afraid the Lone Ranger will just have to wait.

Mr. Bump: (frowns) Awww! Fine.

Bowser Jr.: (glares) Now get off my shell!

Bowser: My shell too, you idiots!!

Br'er Fox: Anyhow, if 'dem folks inherit yur good sense, why they's gonna grow up 'ta be big successes indeed.

The females giggled a bit.

Gwen: Well thanks, Mr. Fox.

Br'er Fox: Ah, no need 'ta be formal. Name's Br'er Fox, dispenser o' miracle cures fo' ev'ry done thin', madam. (points) 'Dis is Br'er Bear, muy sidekick.

Br'er Bear: Hi.

Foulfellow: (pauses) I can smell swindling and snake oil sellers a mile away. (grins) I like this.

Miss Calamity: (glares) Well I don't!

Sir Hiss: Yes...right. Thank you so much Mr. Star Fox. Now if you'll excuse us, we gotta finish our errands.

He pushed the others away.

Sir Hiss: (glares) I don't trust those guys.

Gwen: Oh and don't be late for dinner.

Arthur: Okay, honey.

Most began departing.

Br'er Fox: Ya know, Br'er Weasel was it...Ah COULD use some enterprisin' youn' uns like yew in me business.

Bowser Jr.: Wait, like me or the dorks?

Br'er Fox: (grins) Absolutely. As a token o' good faith an' advance on yur first paycheck, a copy o' 'de Lone Stranger fo' yew.

Some: Lone Ranger!

Br'er Fox: Whatever!

He placed some money on the table with Waternoose II taking it.

Br'er Fox: Keep 'de change. Well, time 'ta go to work, partner.

Mr. Bump: Hmmm...something about your business...is familiar somehow.

Miss Calamity: (glares) Forget it! You're NOT taking business with a guy like that.

Scalawag: (annoyed) What? What are you? Some soapbox sadie or something?

Miss Calamity: Anything involving a bear usually leads to trouble.

Foulfellow: But these fine snake oil salesmen whom remind me of the one in the Harvey hypnotic world seems like to be the fellow that we ourselves CAN be.

Mr. Bump: (grins) Which one wants to be Tonto?

Giddy looked pitiful to her.

Mason: And besides, do you REALLY wanna disappoint the cat with us? Giddy's been looking forward to something like this.

Miss Calamity finally groaned in anger, then glared at the fox with bear.

Miss Calamity: All right, fine! But if this craps out and it turns out to be a scam AND something that can get us all in trouble, it's your OWN fault!

Mr. Bump: Oh good! You get to be Tonto then, Calamity!

Later, at the carriage, the fox opened the door to his carriage, grinning a bit.

Br'er Fox: Well now here we is.

He noticed nothing happening.

Br'er Fox: (nudges Br'er Bear) Ahem!

Br'er Bear: Oh right, 'de candy.

The group looked at the candy the bear took out of his pocket, placing it in a bag before giving it to them.

Cyrus: CANDY!!

Julien: So delicious. You want us to try it?

Br'er Fox: No! Yur job is 'ta pass out 'dese free candy samples, one each, compliments o' us 'ta everybodys in Green River 'ta know we is 'ere. ESPECIALLY Br'er Rabbit.

Bowser: (frowns) So wait, we just give this crappy candy away?

Bowser Jr.: I bet these are breath mints.

Mr. Bump: I will be the judge of that!

Mr. Bump ate one candy, chewing on it. As he speaks, a minty scene came out of his mouth.

Mr. Bump: Yep! They're breath mints.

He yelped, hiccuping a bit.

Mr. Bump: Gah! I think I ate it too fast. (hiccups) Where's the cure!

Br'er Fox: Now don't worry. Since yew is workin' fo' me, I's give ya a sample 'ere.

He showed a bottle of hiccup cure before the hiccuping Mr. Bump drank the small sample, then sighed.

Mr. Bump: Oh man, that's MUCH better.

Helen: You probably weren't thinking straight when swallowing again.

Mr. Bump: (pauses) Did I drank dishwashing water?

Br'er Fox looks away, speaking innocently.

Br'er Fox: Nooooo.....

Miss Calamity: Hmmm...

Br'er Fox: Now go on ahead an' if y'all do a good job, 'dere's nowhere in tellin' how much stuff ya can buy.

Wheez: Well how come THEY get a comic and I didn't get the spell book?

Br'er Weasel: (frowns) Probably 'cuz magic is done made up obviously an' 'dem folks don't believe in no magic.

Mort: Oh! I wanna eat one! I wanna eat one!

However, Br'er Fox snatched it away.

Br'er Fox: Gah! D-Don't eat 'dat!

Mort: Huh?

Br'er Fox: 'Sides, Bump an' Mort, it's customers only. Ev'rybodys but y'all.

Mr. Bump: You could've told me that sooner.

Br'er Fox: Well, Ah is telling 'de others now.

Mr. Bump: (pause) Are you related to some fox we know by any chance?

Chris: Yeah, you remind me of some foxes I saw in Dirt.

Igor: What dirt?

Helen: No, a town named Dirt because of the town dried out.

Timothy: Dried out?

Bowser: It's a long and painful story. Trust me on this. I rather forget Laughing Boy's stupidity when he first entered that town.

Timothy: (pause) You're speaking funny. Are you speaking Suede?

Bowser: Yeah...but my name ain't Sue!

A rimshot is heard as a snowball hits the koopa.

Br'er Bear: Did y'all git 'dat?

Julien: Got it, everyone but us. Later, partner.

They departed from the two.

Br'er Fox: (smirks) They is fine folks, yet weird. He-he-he. Even IF some o' 'dem know we is con men like they is.

Br'er Bear: What 'bout 'dat orange gal?

Br'er Fox: Ah don't worry. Soon as we git our loot an' rabbit, by 'de time she finds out, we's gonna be LONG and away fro' 'ere.

Br'er Bear: Gee, I like it here. Those fellers look nice...Ah wonder where we know some o' them before.

At a bakery, some candy was given to the people.

Martin: Curtosy of Dr. Br'er Fox, our new partner. Though I don't know if he's a real doc or not.

The cat named Penelope noticed the candy before grinning.

Penelope: Oh-la-la. For me? Friends, you are such sweethearts.

Timothy: Ah, no we're not. Some of us are cowboys.

She ate it before smiling.

Penelope: That is silly. Ho-ho-ho-ho.

Cyrus: That takes care of the bakery stuff.

Finally, they departed. As that happened, they began passing by Runt.

Most: Hey Runt.

Runt: (not looking) Shh, shh, shhh. My buddies are inside, definitely inside. Gotta concentrate.

Some: Runt!

Cyrus: We're right here, dummy.

Runt: (blinks) Oh. When did you get here?

Mason: A second ago.

Runt: Wow, you guys are fast. Oooh, what'd ya give, boys and girls? Huh? Lemme see. (follows them) Hey, if I guess what it is, can I have half. Uh cream puff. No, no wait, Napoleon. Oh, peminto-loaf, right?

They chuckled a bit.

Runt: Cookies? I like cookies.

Wheez: (glares) It's candy, dumbass!

Runt: Awww, that was gonna be my next guess. Honest!

Cyrus: Careful though. They gave Mr. Bump the hiccups but he drank it down with dishwashing water.

Helen: Huh?

Miss Calamity: Wait, what did you say?

Cyrus: (quickly) Nothing.

Mason: Cyrus just say random stuff.

Cyrus: (shouting) ANOTHER PRESIDENT IS GOING TO GET SHOT IN A FEW YEARS!!!

Mason: (pause) See what I mean?

Foulfellow: (quietly) Nice save.

Runt: Goodie. Can I have one, please? Come on, peoples, please.

However, they departed from the dog.

Timothy: Sorry, Runt. We like to, but Br'er Fox said "customers only" (points) like the people AND those that can afford things.

Runt glanced at the group heading to the other side before peeking through the hole, noticing the kids playing skip rope.

Cyrus: Anyone want candy? It's free!

Roddy: (hopping) A dingo, a wallabe, a kanga-(tripping) rooo!

He yelped as the rope and Roddy tumbled a bit. Teresa and Cynthia giggled a bit.

Arthur: Oh sorry about that, Roddy.

Cyrus: (shouting) Why is a Raven like a writing desk?

Mason: Uh here, have some candy.

Mr. Bump: (glares) Don't talk like that. Reminds me of King Candy.

Scalawag: Yeah, curtosy of Br'er Fox and Br'er Bear, our partners.

Teresa: I thought Miss Calamity hates bears.

Miss Calamity: I do, but I'm forced to go along with this.

Cyrus: Give up? Think of it while I hit myself with my hand.

Cyrus slaps himself, falling ot the ground.

Cyrus: I'm okay!

The group departed from the others.

Three: Huh?

Teresa ate her candy, giggling a bit. As the gang departed, they noticed Runt using a jumprope, trying to get attention.

Runt: Dinkleberry, wombats, kangahop-thing

The kids chuckled while Runt yelped, being caught by the rope before he tumbled. He crashed in the pots and pans before groaning.

Runt: So what do you say? Better than Roddy? Huh? Gimme the candy.

Martin: Sorry, Runt. Br'er Fox also said "No Dogs Allowed".

Runt watched them leave.

Runt: Huh? No Dogs? Boy, this is definitely tough.

That night, as the group gathered for dinner, Maurice looked a bit concern.

Maurice: Mrs. Brisby, who the heck IS this Br'er Fox and Br'er Bear? And why have they paid Julien and the others to give away weird candy?

Julien: Because, Maurice, they are professionals.

Maurice: Yeah, but professional what?

Miss Calamity: Professional jerks.

Brisby: Oh calm down. You're being distrustful as Hiss and Wolfgar.

Padme: Oh such a nice and charming doctor, Maurice. I'm sure he has a good reason.

They noticed Timothy and Martin starting to fall asleep.

Anakin: Well a job is a big responsibility, my friends.

The boys were patted a bit.

Lil' Sneezer: Brothers sleepin'. He-he-he.

Teresa: They're tired, mom-

Just then, she hiccuped a bit with the whipped cream near the babies while the others chuckled.

Teresa: Excuse me-(hiccups) everyone.

The mouse boy tossed some whipped cream at her.

Brisby: Sneezer, no, no.

Teresa: It's okay. (hiccups) I threw mine first.

She hiccuped more.

Brisby: Come with me, Teresa. I have a sure fire cure for hiccups.

They departed before the boys were lifted up.

Justin: And I'll put the two businessmen to bed.

Bowser: And we'll count the cash we're given.

Finally, they departed from the room. As soon as they were gone, Mason looked at his more cunning comrades.

Mason: Hey, you think we should've told our brothers, Chris, and everyone else about this scam Fox Boy's got going on?

Foulfellow: And risk losing all the valuable cash we'll be getting from Easy Street? Think again, Mack. Think again.

The next day, at a school of a sort, the schoolbell rang before a teacher named Miss Yukari (past incarnation) with Miss Calamity entered the room.

Miss Calamity: Okay, everyone. Take your seat. Class has started.

Yukari: Um, Timothy, Martin, Cynthia, where is your sister?

Cynthia: Hiccups.

Yukari: (confused) Hiccups?

Martin: (nods) Yeah. Mama said she hiccuped all night.

Bowser Jr.: (scoffs) That's nothing. Bloo spent days hiccuping a lot before the talent show against Blake Superior.

Mr. Bump: It's true. And he out-hiccuped the tiger with bad hairdo.

Timothy: (confused) Tiger?

Mr. Bump: No thanks! Ate already!

Yukari: Hmmm, indeed. Well then, uh...Beth, would you read today's poem?

A raven haired girl in green named Beth nodded.

Beth: Uh yes, ma'am.

She took out the book, looking at it.

Beth: (reading) "Mary Had a little-"(hiccups) Sorry.

The kids laughed a bit.

Beth: "-lamb. Its fleece was-"(hiccups) "-as snow. (sighs) And everywhere that-(hiccups) went." (frowns) Sorry, Miss Yukari.

The crowd laughed a bit.

Bowser Jr.: He-he-he. That oughta teach her for being a goody two-shoes.

The blond named Chris frowned.

Chris: Hey come on. Beth can be cool if she wants to.

Bowser Jr.: Sucks to be her!

Yukari: Fine. Allow me.

She snatched the book before glaring at the laughing students.

Yukari: Hey, quiet over here!

She cleared her throat before looking at the book.

Yukari: Right. "The lamb was sure to"-(hiccups) Oh dammit!

The crowd laughed more.

Miss Calamity: Ugh, allow me! Mr. Bump, read the entire poem.

Mr. Bump: I'll do better than that. I'll sing it.

The young teen named Henry J. Waternoose III looked frightened.

Waternoose III: (yelps) Oh no!

Bowser Jr.: (glares) Don't you dare!

Mr. Bump: (singing off-key) Mary had a little lamb! Little lamb! Little lamb!

Crowd: AHHHH! (randomly) Horrible. Stop him! Make it stop!

Mr. Bump: (singing off-key) Mary had a little lamb!
With a side of mashed potato-ers!

Miss Calamity: (glares) That's not even the right lyrics, you dummy!

Yukari: (groans) Can't take more of that (hiccups) crappy singing of his!!

She scratched the chalkboard, making everyone else yelp.

Yukari: Okay, class (hiccups) dismissed everyone!

The class quickly departed while Timothy looked at his money.

Timothy: And I know right where I'm going.

Cyrus: Crazy! Who wants to join us?

Later, at the general store, the familiar faces came out with items including some books and a comic with Timothy reading his.

Wheez: Finally, I can find some new spells to try out.

Br'er Weasel: Ah done keep tellin' yew 'dat it's a buncha phony baloney!

Bowser: Hey, don't mention food, okay? I'm okay!

Bowser Jr.: And don't mention "Baloney"! Reminds me of a dinosaur I wanna forget.

At that moment, Runt came up to them.

Runt: Okay, peoples.

He placed on a mask, showing mouse ears with a mouse snout.

Runt: Ta-da! Heh. What do you guys think? (whining) Gimme the candy! Please?

Timothy: (chuckles) Sorry, Runt. We can't.

Runt: Aw come on. Please?

Martin: We can't and besides, real mice eat cheese.

Mr. Bump: (pause) What about guys dressed up like mice?

Runt: Oh uh ahem. Whatever you guys say. Definitely say.

Quickly, he departed from the group that left while inside the bakery, a familiar looking cat headed to the counter with a cake, hiccuping with the pieces almost falling, though wobbling. She hiccuped more before the pieces flung and hit her head.

Penelope: Ungh.

Back at the Brisby home, Maurice and Mrs. Brisby looked at Teresa continuing to hiccup with Sneezer becoming worried.

Brisby: I don't understand! This medicine always worked back in Europe.

Maurice: Come on, maybe there's something I can do.

At that moment, as soon as the mouse and lemur departed, the baby noticed Julien peeking while hushing him.

Julien: Shhhh.

He then hopped behind the dreary mouse girl.

Julien: BOOO!

Teresa: AHHHH!!

She frowned to him before hiccuping once more.

Teresa: Ugh. I tried that, King Julien.

Mort: (pops up) BOO!!

Julien: (yelps) AHHHH!

He fell to the ground while the two kids laughed.

Mort: Yay! Time to touch the feet!

Julien: (frowns) You do that and I'm banishing you from my mind!

Just then, the door opened with the others noticing the group.

Brisby: Oh Timmy, what are you doing home?

Timothy: School was cancelled.

Miss Calamity: AND Mr. Bump's singing drove everyone out again. Not to mention the whole class had hiccups, even Yukari.

Bowser Jr.: For the record, it's only a couple and Yukari of the past that had hiccups.

Teresa: (hiccups) Oh great.

Scalawag: Say, I bet that fox can help you.

Miss Calamity: (frowns) No thank you! I don't trust him and his bear buddy!

Brisby: What a good idea, Scally. And Miss Calamity, please be nice. If you continue to distrust bears, you'll probably drive everyone away from you.

She then looked at her daughter.

Brisby: Teresa, you must go with your siblings right away.

Bowser: (notices) Hey Cindy, why didn't you eat YOUR candy?

Cynthia: I'm saving mine's for when I really want it.

Bowser Jr.: (pause) How about now?

Cynthia: (glares) Don't push it.

Finally, they darted off. Nearby the fence, a familiar wolf was chewing on his bone while some familiar figures watched the wolf.

Red Ogre: OOooh. Wolfie hungry.

Fat Cat: Now, if we proceed extremely quietly, minions-

Just then, they heard the hiccup sound.

Fat Cat: (glares) I beg your pardon, Hopper?

Hopper: It wasn't me, boss. (points) Must have been those furballs over there.

Down below, the familiar figures walked by with Teresa hiccuping before she was hushed by the others.

Toady: Oh! It FC's girlfriend.

Fat Cat: For the hundreth time, you idiot, she's NOT my girlfriend!

Wart: But why is she hiccuping?

Snout: I say we snatch them.

Lucifer: (meows) Yeah!

Fat Cat: Hmmm, tracking a mouse with hiccups is not very sporting, but it is easier than wrestling over food with a (growls) dog! Isn't that right?

Hopper: Oh no question about it, boss.

They slunk behind the wall while Hopper slid near the group.

All: WHOA!

Hopper: Going somewhere, flea bags? He-he-he-he.

Miss Calamity: (gulps) What? Us?

Igor: Not really. (panics) RUN FOR IT! LARD BUTT NOT FAR BEHIND!!

Quickly, they darted off.

Chris: Great, and me without a slingshot!

Bowser: (growls) Why am I running? I can burn his ass off.

However, Helen snatched him.

Helen: And get us in MORE trouble with the people of the early 20th century?! Forget it!

Just then, they yelped, stopping before noticing Fat Cat and his men with ropes and weaponry.

Most: Gah!

Fat Cat: (twists his whiskers) Hello, friends. Heading my way perhaps?

Mr. Bump: (frowns) And I thought this was ugly before.

(End of Act 1)