Kouja no Senshi
Chapter 18: The Empire Strikes Back Arc
Act 21: Escape and Mysterious Cavern
(OP: Moonlight Densetsu by Moon Lips)
Back with the Imperial Ship, it fired lasers around the meteors, hitting each one. All while a few TIE fighters flew around the same crater the group was in before, dropping bombs through the rocky area with a few going into a few craters. Back in the Falcon, while the few inside looked bored, the females heard explosions before they gasped, hearing them. Then, Leia noticed something flying by.
Leia: Huh?
When she squinted, she yelped, noticing large yellow eyes flash open, staring at them.
Females: AGH!
They fell down from their seats, looking startled before darting toward the living quarters. Inside, the females came up to where Peter's group was with Han, Chewie, and a few working on wires while Peter was reading newspaper comics, and Brock Samson was reading a book marked, "Tuesdays with Morrie".
C-3PO: Sir, if I may venture an opinon-
Han: I'm not really interested in your opinion, Threepio.
The females rushed in with Lois shouting with the others out of breath.
Lois: Guys, there's something out there.
Peter gave her a "one moment" motion before putting the paper down.
Peter Griffin: Huh?
Han: What do you mean?
Leia: (out of breath) There's something out there!
Some: Where?
Nemesis: (pointing) Out there, in the cave!
Peter Griffin: Ha! Crazy women always hearing things.
Lois: I think she may be right.
Peter Griffin: You're just as crazy.
At that moment, Brian came in as he shouted.
Brian: Peter, Han, there's something out there.
Peter Griffin: Well, we better go check it out.
Nemesis: (pissed) What the hell?! When we said something, you brush us off. But when the dog said something, you believed him!
Lois: (frowns) Right. What is this, the pre-women movement all over again?!
Peter Griffin: If you must know, Lois-
Suddenly, some banging was heard on the hull, getting everyone's attention.
Peter Griffin: That thing, whatever it was, distracted me.
Claptrap: What was that?
Ash: I hear it too!
More banging noises are heard.
Namine: What is that noise?
James: AHHHHHH! IT'S FREDDY FAZBEAR AND HIS PALS! THEY'RE COMING TO KILL US!!!!
Jessie: It isn't!
Maximus: Let's just get the problem solved!
C-3PO: There it is. (hears the growling) Listen! Listen!
Han: I'm going out there.
Leia: Are you crazy?!
Han: The guys and I just got this bucket back together. I'm not going to let something tear it apart.
Each one grabbed oxygen masks, starting to depart the place.
Ash: Besides, the gas COULD be poisonous anyway.
Leia: Then I'm going with you.
C-3PO: (concerned) I think it might be better if I stay here and guard the ship.
The roaring noise was heard once more.
C-3PO: Oh no!
Outside the ship, many of them in the masks (save for the machines) came out of the ship, looking around the cave, though noticing it too dark.
Herriman: (looks around) Where can it be?
Bloo: I don't know, but I hope it likes cool movies.
Coco: (frowns) Co co!
Brian: Okay, according to the reading from the oxygen levels, this air's poisonous.
Meg: (notices) This ground sure feels strange. It doesn't feel like rock at all.
Lois: She's right. What's all this slime on the floor?
Brian: Yeah, it feels like we're in Rod Stewart's stomach.
Bloo: Looks like we're in Fuzzy's stomach.
Fuzzy: (growls) Why yew lil!
He started choking the blob as he grunted.
Shirly: (sighs) Don't ask, Han.
The medium kneeled and studied the ground, then attempted to study the outline of the cave.
Maximus: There's an awful lot of moisture in here.
Nemesis: I don't know.
Leia: I have a bad feeling about this.
Bloo: (slaps his forehead) Geez, how many times do we have to hear that quote? It's getting old!
Eduardo: But Azul, Senor Yoda's amigos say that at one point.
Han: Who the heck is Yoda?
Eduardo: It very, very long story.
Wilt: That's true and he was involved in Order 66 before he escaped and I'm sorry, but that's a terrible order.
Then, Chewie, growling through his face mask, growled and pointed at the ship's cockpit with Eduardo noticing.
Eduardo: Ahhhh! It's a monster!
James: EEEEEW! IT'S FREDDY!
Jessie: Freddy has been blown up around the same time Earth does. Now how could he be here now?!
James: Because it's his ghost.
Bloo: AND Freddy ain't leathery-like or snake-like!
The leathery creature let out a screech with the gun wielders firing at it.
Han: Watch out!!
They fired at it before it could attack them. It fell to the ground in front of the ground before they looked carefully at it.
Han: Yeah, that's what I thought. Mynock. Chewie, check the rest of the ship, make sure there aren't any more attached. They're chewing on the power cables.
Lois: What's a Mynock?
Han: Go on inside. We'll clean them off if there are any more.
Just then, more Mynockss flew by them as the gang ducked. The gun wielders fired toward a few. Inside, the gold robot shuddered at their presence.
C-3PO: Ohhh! Go away! Go away! Beastly little thing. Shoo! Shoo!
Outside, the group yelped, feeling the cave rumbling.
Fuzzy: (concerned) Waits a minute.
He shot to the ground, making everything shake.
Peter: Hang ons a sec.
He fired, resulting the same thing.
Fuzzy: What's goin' on 'ere?
He fired again, making the ground shake more.
Fuzzy: Somethin' don'ts add up.
He fired again with more of the place shaking.
Peter: Just a minute.
He fired, causing the cave to shake.
Peter: Time out!
He fired again with the same results shown.
Fuzzy: 'Dis ain't quite right.
He fired once more.
Peter: Wait.
He fire the last time, making everything shake.
Most: (anger mark) Will you stop that?!
Fuzzy: (realizes) Oh now I's gets it.
Peter: (realizes) Me too. (to the group) We should go.
Meowth: RUN LIKE COWARDS!
Quickly, they dashed back to the Falcon. Inside, the masks were removed as they got on their seats.
Han: All right, Chewie, let's get out of here!
The wookie went to the cockpit as Han's group with C-3PO following, rushed to the hold area with the man checking the scopes on the control panels while Leia hurried after him.
Leia: The Empire is STILL out there. I don't think it's wise to-
Han: (rushes passed her) No time to discuss this in committee.
Afterward, he left while the engines began to activate. Leia angrily raced after him while bounding around the shaking ship.
Leia: (snaps) I am not a committee!!
Han jumped into the seat as they pulled the levers and controls with the cave quake quickly diminished.
Lois: You can't make the jump to lightspeed in this asteroid field!
Peter: Sit down and hang on, sweetheart, we're takin' off!
The ship began lifting before it headed to the opening while the worried ones arrived to them. As the ship moved forward, it began heading to where the exit was.
C-3PO: (points) Look!
Han: (glares) I see it! I see it!
To their shock and surprise, they saw what appeared to be a mouth with sharp teeth closing.
C-3PO: We're doomed!
Some: DOOOOOOMED!!
Julayla: The cave is collapsing!
Fuzzy: 'Dis ain't no cave!
Some: What?!
Finally, they came out before out came a long worm-like creature before it slammed its teeth down, missing it and roaring before slumping down back in the hole. After a few moments, the worm came out with concern.
Worm: (Meg-like voice) How come I never get any lines in these things anyway?
The ship came back with Peter's voice shouting.
Peter's Voice: Shut up, Meg!
With that, the ship left. In another room of one of the Starcruisers, workers are preparing on some familiar robots as Pinky and Doofenschmirtz watches.
Pinky: Well?
Worker: We're almost done...but some of these guys kept activating and tried to grab us.
Pinky: It's just a glitch which will be perfect!
Doofenschmirtz: Luckily I kept those plans from before the previous Death Star blew up! (pause) Which reminds me: when are we making the next one?
Pinky: We are doing it right now....
One robot is activated.
Freddy: H-h-hi kids! It's your old pal, Freddy! (laughs) I know you're having fun. We're going to...(dark voice) cut your inners...(normal voice) strike up the band!
Pinky: Yes, he's ready...
Unknown to the villains, three familiar ones and a shadowy one are in the shadows.
Tiger Eyes: Yes, your brethren will soon be done.
Hawk Eyes: And you will get payback on the adults that failed you and them when the Killer was let loose, isn't it Marionette?
The Marionette sits in a corner, nodding a bit.
Fish Eyes: Shouldn't he go after us?
Hawk Eyes: Oh, I think he and Sidious came to...an understanding.
A while later, Luke and the others were running through the swamp with Yoda strapped onto his own back.
Luke: How he is heavy while being small, I'll never know.
Cartman: (panting) Maybe he's fat.
Kyle: You're fat, fatass!
Cartman: Shut up, Jew!
Rainbow: I don't know what you're complaining about. I run just fine!
Psycho: Easy for you to say!
They then climbed through the thick vines that grew in the swamp. Looking exhausted, they continued climbing, flipping through the air, jumping over the roots, and racing in and out of the heavy ground fog.
Yoda: Run! Yes. A Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware of the dark side. Anger...fear...aggression. The dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan's apprentice.
Ahsoka: (sighs) I know.
Luke: Vader. Is the dark side stronger?
Yoda: No...no...no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.
Roxas: But how are we to know the good side from the bad?
Raven: She's got a point. I got powers of darkness and even I am a good guy.
Yoda: (smiles) You will know. When you are calm, at peace. Passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack. As for Raven, those who used darkness for good, remain that way.
Mr. Bump: Confused!
Yoda: No, no, there is no why. Nothing more will I teach you today. Clear your mind of questions. Mmm. Mmmmmm.
Sakura: Yeah! Go on!
Sasami: You guys can do it!
Then, Luke placed Yoda down after releasing him to the ground. The others breathed heavily while Luke placed his white undershirt and red shirt from a nearby branch on.
Stan: Dude, I can't believe how much we're learning.
Kenny: (muffles) And how.
Danny: Man, this is tough.
June: Tell me about it.
Homestar: All right, everyone, let's take a break.
Strong Bad: Ick, Luke, your back's getting all sweaty.
Luke: Sorry, does that.
Mordecai: All right then, let's go over what we've all learned. Naked chicks. Best?
Yumi: I still find that one offensive somehow.
Snake: Rebecca De Mornay in Risssky Businesss.
Rigby: Good. Worst?
Cherry: Kathy Bates in About Schmidt.
Rigby: Correct. I also would've accepted the rotting old woman in The Shining, but Kathy Bates is probably worse. Best scene in Teen Wolf?
Lita: When Michael J. Fox is in the bathroom, turning into a werewolf for the first time and his dad's knocking on the door and he is freaking out and he opens the door and his dad's a werewolf, too!
Spike: That kinda makes sense.
Fluttershy: Right.
Mordecai: (grins) Gold star! We would've also accepted the scene at the end, at the basketball game, where the guy in the crowd had his manhood out.
Some: (shocked) WHAT!?
Rigby: Yes, there's a guy at the end. Go online and look it up. He's in the stands, way in the background, and he's completely got his manhood out.
Most: Eeeeew!
Serena: (sweatdrop) Guys, what does that got to do with the Jedi training?
Mordecai: Nothing. I thought some movie trivia would keep us busy.
Rarity: (frowns) You boys disgust me.
Ben: I know. Nyx? You date somepony like that and I will disown you.
Nyx: Yes daddy.
Just then, Ahsoka felt something odd, something disturbing. The group looked from behind them as they saw a tall sinister tree surrounded by water. There was a dark and wicked looking cave in the tree itself as they grew concerned.
Ahsoka: There's something not right here.
Yoda then sat on a large root as Ahsoka continued.
Ahsoka: I feel cold, death.
Luke: Me too.
Yoda: That place...is strong with the dark side of the Force. A domain of evil it is.
Pinkie: But I believe it's very confusing and it stops the movie dead.
Twilight: (groans) Pinkie.
Yoda: In you must go.
Gaz: What's in there?
Cherry: (shivers) It feels cold.
Yoda: Only what you take with you.
Everyone then prepared to enter, but Yoda stopped them.
Yoda: Your weapons...you will not need them.
They looked at the tree trunk, then shook no.
Ahsoka: Oh, one more thing, only one at a time please...(to Luke and Chris) You first!
Chris gulped as he and Luke entered the cave.
June: (pause) I don't know why, but I feel like I did this.
Pinkie: As in the now completed Anitoon Wars now in JusSonic's Gallery at DA, where you are turning into body physically and mentally and it took an vision of your true self and Danny to snap you out.
Pinkie squees, much to the surprise and/or discomfort of the others.
Danny: Pinkie, what are you on about?!
Pinkie: You were there, Danny, remember?
Inside the cave, Luke and Chris glanced around as Luke kept his saber with him. He looked around the cave as he was feeling instead of seeing it. Suddenly, he saw a familiar Sith lord as he frowned.
Chris: You again!?
The two, Luke and Vader, then started to attack each other. The Sith tried slashing him, but the trainee moved out of the way, then slashed his head off instantly. As the body disappeared into darkness, Luke looked at the head as it transformed to what looked like Luke's head.
Outside, Yoda looks down as the others look concerned.
Kairi: He isn't ready to fight Vader, is he?
Sora: Nope.
Inside the cave, Chris looks thoughtful as he looks at the head.
Chris: Hmmm, you knows, I guess we should take advantage of this rare opportunity.
Then, some cheery music was heard before the fat boy picked up the head before they sang.
Both: (singing) You and I will settle down in a cottage built for two
Chris: (singing) Dear little buttercup
Head: (singing) Sweet little buttercup,
Pinkie: (peeking/singing) My little buttercup
Both: (singing) I love you
Luke: (sweatdrop) I don't think I wanna know.
The blond boy came out with Rigby glancing.
Rigby: Man, that's stupid. It's even more stupid now that Mordo, a few of us, and I are the only ones who remember our original timelines and they don't. It sucks that there's no way to show them the-
Just then, Mordecai's bag started glowing before he took out by string the familiar Crystal Star.
Mordecai: What the-? Why's the Crystal Star reacting?
It zoomed into the cavern.
Raye: Hey, wait a second, what's going on?
Mordecai: (panics) I don't know! It just started reacting when we were near that cavern and it zoomed inside.
Amy: We'll get it out.
The group from the Minimus Alive timeline, minus Yoda, Luke, and Ahsoka, went inside. Before Mordecai's group could enter, it sealed up.
Rigby: Augh! What the crap!?
Mordecai: I think they may see something they won't like.
Rigby: (worried) The Buddy Bears???
Mordecai's Group: No!
Inside the cavern, the group looked around a bit before Serena saw the star in the middle of the room.
Serena: There it is. Now let's get this-
When she touched it, she gasped and winced while a bright flash of light happened.
All: WHOA!!
Outside, Mordecai's group looked at some bits of light glowing.
Rigby: (scratches the blocked door) Come on, let us in!!
Inside the cavern, the eyes of the gang watched as flashes of previous side story episodes showed each keypoint on what had happened: Minimus' death, the deaths of the Edna and Harvey cast separately, Phage Day, the misery of Hotaru, Hiram's death without revival, Captain Hero as a woman, the Black Friday carnage at Nakayoshi Mall, the fights between both role players, Haruka and Michiru's path of darkness, their evil sailor forms about to kill, and finally, the familiar scene of altered Snake and altered Ling Ling's sacrifice. A bit later, the traumatized group slowly came out.
Mina: Wh...what we saw...Mordecai...Rigby...everyone...was the visions we saw...were they REALLY what caused all this horrifying guilt?
Italy: (sadly) It's true.
Mordecai: It was very horrifying indeed.
Rigby: (notices) Wait, you didn't leave the Crystal Star back in there, did you? (frowns) Ugh. I'll go get it myself.
Italy: (following) Hey, Rigby, don't get lost!
Germany: (sighs) Dammit, Italy, don't get lost either!
Most of Mordecai's group departed with Mordecai following.
Mordecai: Hey, wait!
Afterward, the cavern closed.
Yoda: Hard way, you have learned...?
Serena's Group: (sadly) Yes.
Inside, Rigby looked around.
Rigby: Okay, where's that stupid star?
He saw the glowing star before Rigby grinned.
Rigby: Guys, I found it.
He touched it, causing the room to glow, covering everyone inside. When they opened their eyes, they looked around.
Rigby: (shocked) What the-!? Where are we?
Mordecai: It looks like the visions of what's going on...except...it's probably that altered timeline we got no memory of. They must've found the star and had parts of their memories placed in the star.
Italy: I thought it looked different than from what we remember.
Rigby: (points) Guys, look there!!
He pointed to the vision coming up, showing Cream walking up to a sleeping Vanilla, Rabbit, and, to their surprise, Harvey, sleeping together before she and Cheese cuddled together with the rabbit, sleeping together.
Most: Whoa!
Rigby: Big deal. So Harvey is now with-
Pinky's Voice: (angrily) Stupid cat, just leave now!
They turned, noticing another vision starting to become visible, showing Sylvester looking desperate.
Rigby: This must be what happened while Thomas came to town and tried befriending Ryan.
Sylvester: Oh come on, fox! I'm REALLY trying hard here and you're not even giving me a chance!
Pinky: (snaps) Who asked yew to try hard?!
Sylvester: No one, but all I'm TRYING to do is try to learn to bond with you and you're STILL a cat racist!
Pinky: (slaps him) Don't you DARE say 'dat!
Sylvester: (frightened) I was only trying to be nice to you! (starts shedding tears) WHY!?
Germany: I thought they were joking when they told us about Sylvester trying to befriend the fatass and him causing Sylvester to almost suicided.
Mordecai: Wait, I remember. Didn't some kids got killed off by Freddy and his pals?
Rigby: Yeah, dude! We must've changed the past some time before Giant Beardy Face Jr. tried to take over the park!
Japan: (points) Yes, and it seems like your meddlings had caused time changes to different situations as well.
Mordecai: Are we going to see Haruka and Michiru not get whacked?
Rigby: Or at least show what altered the stupid pointless war we were stuck going through.
Italy: (gasps) War!? There was war?
Rigby: Yeah, with real weapons and such and the Stick of Disharmony. Not to mention probably the Death Busters did something to those two that made them like jerks in our timeline.
America: So they're jerks in our time. How is that different?
Mordecai: Did I mention they became corrupted?
Rigby: Yeah, America: Dark Uranus and Dark Neptune!
England: I remember the Phage making a Phage Day.
Rigby: (points) Check it yourself.
He pointed to where the mall was bustling with Christmas stuff.
Rigby: Yeah, no more Phage day!
Both: OOOOOOOHHHHH!!
Italy: (snorts) "Dark Uranus".Hee hee. "Dark Uranus must be large and smelly.
Rigby: Yeah, but we heard some guy named Farnsworth saying that it's getting changed to the name Urectum to stop that joke once and for all...Unfortunately.
Mordecai: Uranus!
Rigby: Uuuuuuranus!! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Mordecai: (pauses) Okay, the joke's getting old. I can see why he claims his future had the planet's name changed.
Rigby: (calms down) I don't know what's amusing: that or the time travelling trip they did with the Simpsons.
Russia: So, what do these visions mean?
He pointed to many of the visions.
Russia: What are we SUPPOSE to see?
Rigby: Yeah, what kind of crappy stuff from the other timeline that we don't know about ARE we gonna see?
Mordecai and Rigby notices something else in a vision: Red Guy sneaking at Minimus's will...and rewriting it.
Red Guy: This will make sure those idiots won't time travel. As long as they think the damn monkey told them not to.
Mordecai: (pissed) Why that fat ass!
Rigby: He made us think that Minimus told us not to time travel to...ARGH!
Russia: Wait, is that from the dead timeline or the alive one?
Mordecai: I think it's when Minimus was dead.
Rigby: So he WAS responsible!
Mordecai: (points) Look who else was responsible for something!
They watched as Yuki was given a familiar box by what seemed to be a familiar reptile, though most don't recognize him.
Italy: Who is that guy with Yuki? He looks like Phage, but a bit different.
Germany: Yes. I never saw him before.
Rigby: What are you talking about? That's Snakelord and he's always been-(realizes) Oh yeah, he erased his own existence and a few of us like Snake and Phage and me with Mordecai are the only ones that know he existed.
Snakelord: Thetis, this is Germatoid's latest experiment. Two of the talismans our lord and master search for is supposedly within someone. Our instructions are to talk to a man named Varrick, then convince him to use whatever is inside this box.
Yuki: (different voice) This? What would it do?
Snakelord: He mentioned something about it corrupting the host so much, that the Talisman, IF he or she were to use it, WOULD come out. All it needs is that stupid crystal star those two controlling Mistress 9. Once it fused with a weapon and destroys the body, we take the talismans!
Rigby: Well THAT explains why their bodies disappeared!
Mordecai: This is crazy! Why are we seeing OUR memories here alongside whatever changed in the timeline? It's like some writer Genesis Waved everything!
Rigby: I would've called it the King Adrian Situation, but your title's better.
Twilight: I don't understand! We saw Haruka and Michiru killed by the new kid.
Rainbow: Yeah, and that was BEFORE that one time near your Christmas, guys, that Twi was practicing a spell and some of us got into that weird bubble.
Twilight: It was a timeline spell and we must've got zapped to a timeline where Minimus was alive too.
Rarity: Lucky thing too, because I do NOT especially like those two being so...evil!
Applejack: Who is 'dis new kid vermint?
Rigby: His name was *****, but we normally called him King Mike Crotch.
Most of the group snorts or chuckle.
Rigby: What? That's the name we gave him: Mike Crotch!
Spike: Did he say anything?
Mordecai: The only thing he said was "Screw you guys, I'm going home" without any emotion...like he was a NPC and we never saw him again.
Rigby: And of course, the kid disappeared without a trace.
Mordecai: Kinda like Mike Schmidt.
Rigby: Actually, he tried speaking before, but it turns out he was completely mute and gave us some paper that he said that speech.
Mordecai: Either he moved away or he was killed off somehow!
Rigby: Why?
Mordecai: I mean look in the memories of this new timeline! Ivana never appeared, like he didn't exist or something.
Rigby: So I guess Mike Crotch will never happen.
Most of the gang laughs.
Rigby: (annoyed) Okay. The joke stopped being funny after the zillionth time after the incident, people.
Twilight: So what else changed in this timeline, guys?
Italy: We know that Phage Day never existed.
Mordecai: And Minimus is alive in this timeline.
Rigby: There's only one way to find out.
Rigby prepared to snatch the crystal star.
Mordecai: Rigby, I don't think-
He touched it before the entire area flashed around the group before it zoomed around, hitting their minds with them screaming before everything froze.
To Be Continued...
(ED: Touch and Go by Megumi Hayashibara)